Life is about joyful times and sorrowful times. They are intertwined in our lives like the threads in a tapestry. Today illustrated that very clearly in my life.

This morning we got up, made waffles and spontaneously decided to go see The Muppet Movie. We had talked about seeing a movie tonight, but decided to go to an early show so we’d have the rest of our day free. We LOVED the movie. We laughed hysterically. I cried. It was awesome. It was completely cheesy, but in a good way. I’d forgotten how much I love the Muppets. LG had a great time.

Then on the way home I got a phone call from an old family friend telling me that his sister and her husband had passed away. They had Alzheimer’s, so it obviously wasn’t unexpected, but the fact that he passed away on Monday and she followed on Thursday was maybe a little surprising. My heart hurts for their three kids and their grandkids. It’s hard enough to lose one parent, much less two in so short a time. I know that it’s a relief in many ways, but still…so hard. The sister was my mom’s best friend for most of her life.

This evening, I was telling my hubby how the neighbors had built a bonfire in their backyard last night and how I wanted to do that at some point. So, we did! He built an impromptu fire pit in the backyard and we enjoyed the fire for an hour or so. Harmony didn’t like it so much – he got a little close and felt the heat and that was the end of that for him – he avoided it the rest of the night. Melody seemed to appreciate that because she got some uninterrupted attention from us.

LG had a wonderful day – a fun movie in the morning and a nice warm bonfire in the evening. Joy surrounding the sorrow. That’s life. But, I’m pretty over bad news this year. Not only did I lose my aunt and my dad, I also found out my beloved step grandmother passed away at the end of last year (no one knew to call me I guess and after I hadn’t heard from her for a few months – she usually called on a regular basis – I called her grandson whom she lived with and found out the news), and now this. It’s been a hard year. And yet, there is still time for the simple joys of life. That is truly a blessing, no matter what.

We’ve been cleaning and organizing and there was a crate of paperwork I needed to go through. I’ve started to go through it several times, but I kept putting it off. Yesterday, for some reason, I decided that I had to go through that tub. So, I started going through it, making piles of papers that we had to keep for tax purposes, mementos to keep, things to shred, and things to put in the recycle bin. The biggest pile was the shred pile, followed closely by the recycle pile and the keep for tax purposes pile. But, in the midst of all that, I found something for the mementos pile: an obituary and funeral pamphlet for my beloved college choir director. The strange coincidence? She died exactly 13 years ago today. So maybe the reason that I “had” to go through that crate today and no other day was because she wanted to be remembered. I posted something about it on my Facebook and another choir friend commented that she had been thinking of her as well.

I have experienced too many “coincidences” like that to not believe that those in the spiritual realm try to communicate with us in some small way. I truly believe they do. Some might say it’s the subconscious, and that might be true, but I had no idea that the obituary was in that particular tub – I hadn’t seen it in years and that tub actually contained things that my husband had taken out of a file cabinet for me to go through. I couldn’t have told you the exact date of her death, either, other than that it was around Thanksgiving. Coincidence or communication? I choose to believe it’s the latter.

We spent Thanksgiving with Mike’s family. It wasn’t the easiest day for me. I felt on the edge of tears all day long – like if anyone said the wrong thing I’d fall apart. But no one did and I got through the day without breaking down. I’m thankful for that.

It’s not like I have spent Thanksgiving with my dad since my mom died. I haven’t. We had one Christmas when his wife went back to the state where her kids live and he stayed here, but other than that I haven’t spent the holidays with my dad since my mom died – not even the first year because he was already remarried. But while he was still alive, there was always still a chance and a hope that we could be together. I thought this year that with her out of the picture back with her kids, we’d be able to have him with us or at least spend time with him, but it wasn’t meant to be. And so this year my holidays are tinged with grief.

I do appreciate my husband’s family, though. As my husband’s brother said today, it’s nice to have a family with no drama. There’s no one in the family that we dislike. There are no arguments. Everyone genuinely enjoys being together. We even got into a political discussion after dinner and it didn’t get heated even though not everyone completely agreed. Even the kids’ table had no drama. It was lively, but there was no yelling or crying or fighting – just eating (or not eating – they are kids after all). 

It wasn’t like that with my dad’s family growing up (which was where we generally spent our holidays since my mom’s family was in another state). There was often some sort of drama at the family get togethers. It mostly happened out of earshot of the kids, but I’d hear about it later on. It’s funny that now that we’re all grown up, there’s never any drama at family get togethers. I think we get to all be together so rarely that we just appreciate the being together too much to ruin it. 

Or maybe drama is a sibling thing. Luckily, my husband and his siblings don’t do drama. The closest to drama we get is when we discuss how to do Christmas gifts for the kids, and even when we had that discussion today, it never got heated – it went around and around for awhile and was not completely resolved (in the gift giving with the extended family), but no one got mad or stormed out even though we don’t always completely agree. I appreciate that!

There are certainly things that frustrate us about each other at times – that’s called being human – but even so, we can put it aside and enjoy each other’s company when we’re together and that’s not the case in all families (because some people in some families are just downright rude), so today I am extremely thankful for the family I married into – perfect or not.

I don’t know about you, but in general, I really hate talking on the phone. I’m not sure exactly why, but as an adult, a phone call is generally greeted with a sigh of impatience. A text, on the other hand, is just fine. 

I think maybe the difference is that a phone call requires a certain level of commitment. If you answer a phone call, you know you’re going to have to commit a certain amount of time to a conversation and, depending on who it is, this could be quick or it could be hours. 

Another problem with phone calls is that it’s really hard to extricate yourself from them. I always feel guilty if I’m the one to say I have to go first. I don’t want to rush people off if they want or need to talk, but on the other hand, I often feel impatient if I’m in a hurry or have something to do.

Two of my close friends and I text on a regular basis and we often have fairly long conversations in text. The cool thing about a text is that you can answer at your leisure. You don’t even have to pay attention to the conversation at all times because you can just reread it! Of course sometimes things are too long to text so that requires a phone call or an in person conversation, but usually we get by with texts.

I have another friend who likes to call and talk. Because she really likes to talk. But the problem is that I know that I will have to devote at least (at LEAST) a half an hour to her. So I hate to say it, but if I don’t have half an hour, I just don’t answer the phone. Is that terrible of me? I figure if it’s important, she’ll leave a message or send a text.

How about you? Are you a talk kind of person or a text kind of person?

Dear Kohl’s,

Do not make me hate you.

Sincerely,
Karin

Harmony is the epitome of the annoying little brother. He never leaves poor Melody alone. He’s always jumping on her, biting at her, barking at her, and she generally just takes it because she’s such a good, sweet girl. Every once in awhile, she’ll either growl at him or snap at him, and he’ll yelp. We don’t feel too sorry for him, though, because he really deserves it. He’s such a brat! All boy and all puppy.

He’s so darn cute, though. Tonight, when Mike got home from work, they were both out in the back yard and didn’t hear him come in. Harmony finally came in and when he saw Mike it was just like a little kid running for their daddy. He tore into the room and practically leaped into Mike’s arms. He was so excited to see him. It was so funny and so cute.

He reminds us so much of our first Border Collie mix – Lady. So full of life and intelligence and energy, just like she was. But then mix in the testosterone and it’s like Lady on steroids…lol! But, we love him. Even if he does still dribble on the floor and I usually find it with my bare feet. *sigh* He’ll get over that at some point. I hope.

I love short weeks and this one is exceptionally short – 2 days. LG’s school takes off 3 days for the Thanksgiving holiday. Looking forward to some rest and relaxation!

Backdating again. I’m going to stop telling you I’m backdating – whoever is reading this – because I’m sure you don’t care. Just suffice it to say, I was really busy!

My hubby and I had a hair appointment today (we go to the same salon). Since the salon is close to the railroad park, we often take LG with us and after Mike gets his hair cut, he takes her there while I get my hair “did”. (Mine usually involves chemicals, scissors and blow dryer, while his is just a cut. Men are so lucky…lol!) Anyway, the weather was gorgeous and they had a great time.

After that, we stopped by our old pastor’s house where Mike and crew are doing some work. He wanted to check on the progress made yesterday since he couldn’t be there. LG had fun reminding the pastor how she punched him in the face when she came out of the water when she was baptized. And she met a little boy who had the same name as she does without the last letter. And he was her age. Cute little kid. She dropped her McDonald’s toy and it went under our car just as we were getting ready to leave. She was distressed, but the Boy without the Last Letter crawled right under the car and got it for her. Very sweet. There were also dogs around and anyone who knows her, knows how much she loves dogs.

Then home where Mike took a nap before heading up north for a gig and after he left LG and I watched the ASU/UA game which, although the outcome wasn’t the one I would have liked, was a really good game – right down to the wire. You can’t ask for much more than that in a rivalry game (except my team winning, of course).

So, not a bad day at all, all things considered!

I can’t remember exactly when I started watching Live with Regis and Kelly, but they became my daily habit way back when I quit my teaching job to have my baby. And they’ve kept me company ever since. I don’t always watch the show “live” (live is relative on this side of the country of course) – in fact I rarely do, but I almost always watch it. And I’ll be missing Regis next week. It won’t be the same without him. I’ll keep watching, though, as long as the show stays true to what it’s always been. I love Kelly and I look forward to seeing who will be her new cohost. In the meantime, thanks Regis Philbin, for years of smiles and laughter. You’re the best. Enjoy the next phase of your life!

Yeah, I missed another day. And yeah, I’m backdating again. No excuse this time. I actually did start writing a post, but then I decided I didn’t like it and deleted it and never wrote another.

The latest wiggly tooth came out! Saturday, she was with Grandma all day while we were at the wedding/reception. She kept it in all day with Grandma, then came home and as she was sending Daddy off with his bandmates, the fiddle player offered to get some plier and pull it for her. She didn’t go for that. ;)

She came back inside, took the dogs out into the back yard and the next thing I knew she was running back inside to show me that she’d lost her tooth! Mere minutes after Daddy left, of course. So two bottom teeth are history. I don’t think she’ll lose the top two in time to sing the iconic “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”, but you never know. :)

Raising kids is agony and ecstasy, isn’t it?

I’ve been texting with two of my friends tonight. One is on the way home from a family trip to Disneyland, the other is in the emergency room with her teenaged daughter who has been suffering from migraines.

Ecstasy: the joy of spending time together as a family.

Agony: watching your child in pain.

It goes both ways, though. I know both of them have experienced agony and ecstasy as a parent. And will again. It comes with the territory.

When you think you can absolutely get in and out of Target in half an hour because you have to pick up LG from school, think again. Well, you might still make it in plenty of time to pick up LG, but you may have a nervous breakdown trying. Why? Because the person in front of you in the checkout line will have items marked on clearance that don’t ring up as marked on clearance. And then the person in front of you in line will also have to pay with two separate cards because one of them will only buy certain things or something. And then when you go to the parking lot, unload your things, and put the shopping cart in the shopping cart corral, the person next to you will have to open the door of their car to get their baby into the car* and will block your driver door so you can’t get into your car. (Of course, this is the same person who nearly ran you down in the store because they were coming out of a side aisle and didn’t even slow down before they entered the main aisle, but WHATEVER.) And then you’ll get to school a few minutes earlier than you normally do and there are still way more cars in line than there usually are. What is up with that? Anyway, half an hour in and out of Target? Maybe. But don’t chance it next time.

*I normally have no issue with this – been there, done that – but I was in a hurry you see and everything was irritating me more than it normally would.

Posting a day late and back dating again. This time I’m blaming it on Mike because he wanted to use my computer and then the internet went down. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Warning: Today is one of those days. Luckily, they don’t happen every day. But this is a crying, emotional kind of day. And this post feels that way, too.

Such difficult work is grief. In some ways, even though at the time it felt impossible to deal with, I think my mom’s death was easier on me. What I mean is, that the grief was more obvious, and so I had no choice but to deal with it head-on.

On the other hand, the grief I’m feeling now is more subtle. It is not on my mind every minute of the day like the grief I felt with my mom. It’s there…it’s just not as pushy. With my mom, I was overtly emotional for weeks, if not months. I just felt sad all the time. With my dad, it’s, as I have mentioned before, manifesting more in my physical health. I’m just tired all the time. I feel drained. I lack energy. I have been walking as often as I can, and that has helped, but still, there’s this ongoing feeling of being dragged down all the time.

And I’m sad, but I have somehow managed to push it back out of the forefront. I notice it when my feelings are hurt or when I feel like I’ve disappointed someone – I take those things much harder than maybe I normally would, and it kind of makes me feel like I want to retreat into my shell and avoid whatever it is that is making me feel bad. But I’m not constantly in tears like I was with my mom.

I’m not sure holding the tears in is a good thing, so every once in awhile, I watch the video I made for my dad’s funeral, and that brings the tears out. And they are definitely still there. I decided today I needed to watch it, and I was crying pretty much from the moment it started. So yeah, it’s still right there at the forefront of my emotions. I have just managed to ignore it successfully.

The weirdest thing is that while I haven’t dreamed of my dad at all since he died, I constantly hear his voice when I’m falling asleep. And it’s not like he’s saying anything that makes any sense or that has anything to do with anything really, but I hear his voice. It kind of jars me awake. And sometimes it happens again and I jar awake again, and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m not sure what he’s trying to tell me or if he’s trying to tell me anything. But it’s there.

LG is dealing pretty well, but every once in awhile she’ll just start overreacting to things that she normally wouldn’t and then we’ll have a talk about what’s going on with her and inevitably she will say she misses her Grandpa. And then we all have a good cry. So it’s there for her, too.

But we’re dealing. What else is there to do? And I remind myself that it’s all normal and it’s all okay and I’m allowed to have time to grieve. And I’m allowed to not be perfect right now. I’m sleeping better, finally. So that’s something. Still really tired, though.

The holidays are coming and that’s hard. But I’m preparing myself and I’m being kind to myself as my grief counselor told me to be. I’m letting things go that I normally would stress over. I’m not going to try and be superwoman this year. Whatever gets done, gets done and whatever doesn’t, doesn’t. And that’s okay. Not only do I have to deal with Thanksgiving and Christmas and LG’s birthday, though, my dad’s birthday is coming up very soon as well, and that’s something I’ll have to deal with. It’s a lot to deal with at one time. And my mom’s birthday is in December as well. So a lot of stuff is coming up that will pour over me with memories. And it’s not going to be easy. But somehow I’ll manage to get through.

But right now…I just miss them both so much. I miss being someone’s little girl. I miss my mom and dad. So much.

When we drove up to our house tonight, I made some comment about wondering whether Harmony was barking or not. Mike rolled down the window so we could hear, and hearing nothing, as we were pulling into the garage, I yelled his name. Right on cue, he started barking. Too funny.

—-

In other awesomeness, this video is why I ♥ Jimmy Fallon:

We’ve done three weddings this year. The first was a family affair: Mike and I were involved in the music and LG was the flower girl. The other two Mike and I did music for, but they all had one thing in common: the brides and/or grooms were kids we watched grow up. I feel old. My voice held up today, thank goodness. It wasn’t up to the standard that I normally set for myself, but I got through it. I was so nervous, though. I sucked on cough drops the whole way through to keep my throat from going dry. The reception was fun and now I’m tired, so that’s all you get for today.