Just When You Think You’ve Got It All Under Control

Was that title from a song? It seems familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it. If anyone can figure it out, let me know!

I thought I was doing really well with the grieving stuff. Oh, I know that it’s a work in progress, but I’ve been doing pretty well. Until this week, that is.

I’ve been so tired, so unmotivated. I’m managing to what I absolutely have to do, but nothing more. My entire body aches. I’m not sleeping well. I’m exhausted. I have no appetite to speak of, although I’m making myself eat. And today I was wondering what on earth was wrong with me? I haven’t been this way in a long time. And then it dawned on me – especially after I realized that Sunday is Father’s Day and I haven’t even started putting together the photo book that Mike requests as his gift every year – that Father’s Day was the likely cause of my problems.

It’s the first Father’s Day without my dad. And it’s kind of silly, really, that it’s affecting me so strongly, because it’s not like we’ve celebrated Father’s Day together since the year my mom died, but I guess when he was alive, there was always a chance. There was always hope. And now he’s gone and there will never be another chance. So, yeah. Grief rears it’s ugly little head when I was least expecting it. This is my typical cycle when those big “dates” come up – the week before I’m a wreck. And then the date comes and goes and I move on. It just so happens that this week coincides with Dance Recital week. So we have dress rehearsals and performances and I really really can’t afford to not be 100% right now. But it is what it is. And at least now that I know what it is, I can deal with it a little better.

And come next week, it will all be over. Thankful am I to have a husband who doesn’t worry about whether or not his Father’s Day gift is late. And who will jump in and help me get through this week on my low energy cycle. So very blessed to have him as the father of my child. And so very blessed to have had a dad who loved me, even though the last several years were rough. I do know he loved me. And that’s a good thing.

One Response to “Just When You Think You’ve Got It All Under Control”

  1. ((hugs)) the first Father’s Day without your father is a hard one. My best friend is going through the same thing.