In case you’re not aware, I’m an only child. And it appears pretty certain that LG will be an only child as well. The one thing I always said growing up that I did not want was an only child because I felt I missed out on something by not having siblings. And I still think that’s true to a extent. However, there are two positives to not having siblings that I wasn’t really aware of when I was still a youngster.
The first is that my parents were able to pour all of their love and energy and financial resources into me. Now, this was not always a positive thing. It made them a bit (a lot?) overprotective and it made them pin all their hopes and dreams on me and me alone. In my mom’s case, the hopes and dreams part wasn’t a burden. In my father’s case, it was. A burden I’m still emotionally dealing with today. I need to make sure that LG never feels that our hopes and dreams for her are a burden or that she is in any way less if she doesn’t live up to what we think her goals should be. I think that I’ve learned a lot through the mistakes my parents made in raising me – and I’m not saying they weren’t good parents because I think I turned out pretty okay, sometimes in spite of them I guess – but I really am trying to keep from repeating the cycle. Of course that means I make my own mistakes with her, but I’m lucky to have good friends around who point them out in a subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) way. (And I’m okay with that!)
The “bad” part of not having siblings is that sometimes it seems you don’t have anyone to share your burdens with other than your spouse. But this is true mostly in a physical manner and not in an emotional manner. I may not have siblings, but I have good friends. And by good friends, I mean friends who are more like sisters (and brothers) than some siblings are. I mean good friends who not only care about me and my life, but good friends who take an active role in LG’s life as well. Moreso than her aunts and uncles do on a daily basis because they are geographically closer and see her more often.
Mike does have siblings. And don’t get me wrong, I love them all a lot, but their goals in life, their priorities, their values, their way of life, and their geographic location is much different from ours. For instance, they don’t (not one of them) go to church on a regular basis, whereas for us, church is an integral part of life (and not just because it’s one of Mike’s jobs and he gets paid to be there. Even if he didn’t get paid to be there, we’d still be involved in a church family.) Their ideas politically are usually in opposition to ours. Actually, a lot of their ideas regarding life in general are different to ours. Maybe that’s because we’re older, because we’ve been married longer, because we are still married (one sibling is divorced or on the way to being divorced, and one has been divorced and remarried). I don’t really know what the difference is, but somewhere along the line I realized that we just don’t think the same way as they do.
Enter our friends. I specifically see two people in my head (and you know who you are!) who I think of as my sisters at heart, though not by blood. One is practically my twin because we think so closely on so many things and one is the little sister I never had but always wanted. They are the people that I share my hopes and fears with. They are the people that my daughter looks up to and loves and that love her like I would have wanted my own non-existent sister to. They are the people that I depend on to help me in a pinch. They are the people that offer to help even when I don’t ask. They are there when I feel alone and scared. They are the ones who listen to me vent and calm me down when I’m freaking out. I felt really alone after my mom died and my dad got remarried, but I have realized that I’m not alone. My friends are there through thick and thin. They have become my family. I worry about them, I care about them, I like to hear the details of their lives and their family’s lives. They keep me going. And sometimes they straighten me out when I need it. ;)
They are not alone in being my family. Their families are like family, too. In fact, I call Marlene’s (who is LG’s godmother) family her “godfamily”. I’m Marlene’s youngest daughter’s godmother and so of course I love that kid almost as much as I love my own kid, but I love her other kids that much as well. They feel like my nieces and nephews and I certainly know more about their daily lives than I do about my actual nieces and nephews. I try to be a good role model and mentor for Rochelle and the other twentysomethings and they are kind enough to include Mike and I in their going out to dinner and doing stuff after mass on Sunday night even though we’re kind of old enough to be their parents. I love hanging out with them and laughing and rolling my eyes and giving advice and listening to their problems.
So, yes being an only child can be a bummer in some ways. But, I think what it really makes you do is appreciate your friends all the more. I’m so thankful in this month of thankfulness to have the friends I have. I am truly blessed by their presence and participation in my life and the life of my family. I couldn’t have asked for better “aunts” and “uncles” for LG if I’d chosen them. Oh wait, I did! :)
Love you guys!
