What else is on my mind? Well, what I’ll do with myself after LG goes to school full time. Yes, that is 2-3 years away (depending on whether kindergarten is full-day or half-day at the school she goes to), but it’s something I think about. Because as much as I’d like to think that I can stay home and play the happy homemaker, I think I’ll go stir crazy when that little person is no longer around most of the day.

So, where does that leave me? Do I go back to teaching? That option tends to fill me with dread. I really really really do NOT want to do that. And it’s not that I don’t love parts of being a teacher, it’s that I didn’t love going to work every day in the first place. Never ever did I love going to work every day when I was a teacher. There were days that I was happy to go to work or at least that I was happy when I was there, but there were also days I cried all the way there. That was mostly when there were screwy things going on at the school I was at, but still, if I really loved what I was doing, even the screwy things wouldn’t have made me so unhappy I cried.

Edited to add: I did enjoy teaching and I loved (most of) my students, but I didn’t LOVE going to work every day. Just wanted to clarify that!

So, I really don’t want to go back to teaching full time. I want to do something that I love to do - that I’m passionate about.

What am I passionate about? Well, I can think of two things.

The first is music. I love to sing. I love to perform. I love to make music. I love love LOVE to write songs and hear them come to life. I love doing that almost more than I love singing. Which is weird for me to say, because I used to think that singing was the thing I loved most. But, now that I’m writing and creating? I’m so much happier inside. I even have my dreams of greatness - like winning a best song award at the Dove awards or the ACMs or the Grammys or even the Oscars. Or even writing a Broadway musical and getting a Tony! None of those for performing, mind you, but for writing. And those may be delusions of grandeur, but I say, if you’re going to dream, dream big! My mom would have said the same thing to me if she were still around. She’s not, but my best friend is. And she didn’t laugh at me when I told her that I imagined those things happening. And that meant everything to me. Thank you Marlene!

So, there’s music. I do believe I can get some of my songs published. I do believe that will happen. Beyond that? We’ll have to wait and see. But I have faith and hope and dreams that my songwriting will continue to get better and better. Mike even said it was getting better! And that is a great compliment coming from Mr. Professional Musician. But I writing is more of a partnership thing. I love writing with Mike. He makes me better. So that will continue for sure.

What’s the other thing I’m passionate about? Well, oddly enough it is education. But it’s not being in the classroom. I’m passionate about innovation and about the Arts. I’m passionate about change. But I’m just one little voice, and usually when I tell people my ideas they look at me like I’m a little nuts. Then again, Larry Ellison (14th richest person in the world according to Forbes) said “When you innovate, you’ve got to be prepared for everyone telling you you’re nuts.”

Yesterday, I watched a speech by Sir Ken Robinson who is working towards innovation and creativity in our educational system. I watched that speech, and then I searched out some other things that he had said or written, and I felt like I had a found a kindred spirit. And I was relieved to know that there was someone else out there (albeit with a lot bigger voice than I have) who thinks the same way I do and who is actually doing something about it.

And then I talked to Mike for a good hour about what I had heard and what I thought. And then I wrote Marlene ridiculously long emails about it. (Marlene will be up for sainthood one day, just for listening to my cockamamie schemes and my songs.) And it occurred to me that perhaps I was a tiny bit passionate about innovation and changing the educational system and advocating for the Arts in education because it is only from the Arts that we are really taught to be creative. And if we keep losing our Arts classes (and I’m talking Art, Music, Dance, Theatre, etc.), we are going to, as Sir Ken says, educate the creativity out of our children.

So what will I do after LG is in school full-time? I think that I will go back to school and study what I’m passionate about and do research and advocate and change the world. That’s not too big of a goal is it?

Anyway, if you want to see the video that set me off, here it is. Keep in mind that it is 20 minutes long, but he is very well-spoken, very entertaining, and quite funny. And I think he just might change the world.

I seem to have a lot to say today! Two big things that have been on my mind the past few days…

I was thinking the other day about the love we have for our children and the love we have for our spouse/significant other/partner. There are major differences between the two types of love. And one of those is whether or not the love is unconditional. (Stay with me here! Don’t get too riled up yet.) I don’t think the love we have for our spouse is totally unconditional. There are definite conditions to that love. Or there should be. The vows we make when we get married are conditions. And even if we’re not married, we have certain expectations (or conditions) that we expect to be held up, such as that they love us back, that they are faithful, that they treat us with respect and kindness (at least most of the time - we’re none of us perfect), that they don’t beat us up, that they stand by us through sickness, health, happiness, sadness, etc. We have those reasonable expectations of a partner. And it’s always possible (sad to say) that we might fall out of love with a spouse or partner if those conditions are not met.

On the other hand, the love we have for our children IS (or at least should be) unconditional. When we become parents, we fall in love and we don’t expect anything from them. We love them no matter what. And we love them forever. I think it’s pretty hard to fall out of love with your child (although I’m sure it’s possible under dire circumstances). And that’s the way it should be. We are parents for life. And nothing can change that. We can’t divorce our children. They are our flesh and blood. And if you adopt a child, at that moment, you have promised to treat that child just as you would your biological child, so it’s the same difference I imagine.

Part of what brought this up was me telling Mike that if anything ever happened to me, I would understand if he remarried, AS LONG AS he married someone that understood that he is a parent first and foremost and that his relationship with his child must always be at the forefront of his mind and heart. I’m not saying that you don’t put your spouse (or yourself for that matter) first at times, but what I’m saying is that your relationship with your child is an unbreakable bond and that anyone who tries to come between that relationship does not deserve your commitment. Now, I’m not talking about circumstances when the adult child is the one who tries to sabotage a relationship between their parent and their parent’s future spouse, etc. That’s a whole different story. And I’m not talking about a non-adult child who doesn’t want to share their parent, either. That has to be handled in a very careful manner, with kindness and love and sometimes tough love.

What I’m talking about is something like the situation I’m in with my dad and she who shall not be named. I never tried to come between them. I just wanted to have some space to grieve my mother before I was ready to accept another person in my life in the capacity of my father’s spouse. And any normal caring person should have been able to accept and understand that. What I got instead was someone who has done nothing BUT try to come between me and my father and between him and his granddaughter. That is inexcusable. And I’m not talking about this for any particular reason, but because it was on my mind the other day. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my father is not a regular part of our lives. It is what it is. But that doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t make it anything that I ever want to see repeated in anyone else’s life. It happened in my mom’s life with her father, too. But her father’s “that woman” was truly evil and did and said horrible things to my mom. She who shall not be named is more passive aggressive and just says nasty thing to my dad. Either way, I told Mike that if he ever married anyone like that, I would come back and haunt him. And don’t think I won’t!

Anyway, that was on my mind. And this post is really long, so the 2nd thing on my mind will have to wait for another post!

So hey! Are you still out there? Probably not, but I’m going to talk to you anyway! Ha! Passive aggressive aren’t I?

Anyway, weird Monday happenings:

• Don’t you love when you’re in a store (like Target, for example) and as you’re walking around shopping, you overhear snippets of cell phone conversations? Like “he was convicted and will be going to federal prison” or “so he’s not the father?” I felt like I was in a soap opera. And that was two separate people, by the way.

• My On Demand stopped working last week. Which made me sad, because Marlene (who does not watch scripted television hardly ever) had turned me onto Mad Men and I was trying to catch up on Season 1 so I could start Season 2. But, On Demand took a dump. Didn’t work all weekend. I called the cable company Saturday night and he couldn’t fix it from there, so he set up a service call for this afternoon. I tried a couple of times yesterday to see if it might have decided to work, but nothing. I decided to give it one more try today and shazam! Working. So I cancelled the service call. Don’t really like strange people in my house even if they are usually very nice people. Of course, I can’t watch Mad Men until Little Girl is in bed, but oh well. At least it’s working right?

• As I was making LG a pb&j sandwich for lunch today, I heard a helicopter outside, so I looked out the window to see what was going on. It was a local news station’s copter and it hovered over my yard for a good 30-45 minutes. It was almost time for the noon news, so I turned it on to see what was up. Turns out that there was a house fire a few blocks away from us and they found two people inside dead. The house fire wasn’t that major, so they don’t think that the fire caused the deaths (although apparently the pets died as well), but we’ll just have to wait for the investigation to know the whole story there. Freaky, though, because we live in a pretty quiet area!

• I’m going to see Mamma Mia again this week if all falls into place. I emailed a friend who I haven’t seen in forever who I know is a major ABBA fan and she hadn’t seen it yet, so we thought we’d try and do lunch and a matinee this week and hang out a bit to catch up before she goes back to work next week (she’s a teacher).

Other than that, life is fairly quiet I think. Just waiting for the Olympics to start! I’m an Olympics fanatic!

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I really loved Mamma Mia. So much so, that I’d actually pay to see it again, and I haven’t paid to see a movie in a theater more than once since Ladyhawke and that was 23 years ago. I’ve been listening to my Abba CD and I’d forgotten (until last night) how much I really like that music!

Last night, Mike had to do a rehearsal at church with the morning choirs because our music director is on vacation. And he also had to be in charge of LG while I was out having fun. Luckily, she’s a good girl and as long as you tell her your expectations, she will usually do what you ask. Mike said she was so good for the two hours of rehearsal (sitting in her chair playing with her toys and being mostly quiet while he worked), telling him (in time) when she needed to go potty (but waited for the end of the song…lol), that he decided to reward her with a McDonald’s ice cream cone and some time on the playground after rehearsal. So, during the movie, I glanced down at my cell phone to see that there were 3 text messages waiting for me. My heart stopped a little because Mike is not much of a texter. But when I went to read them, I found 3 cute little pictures of LG eating “ice cream with a cracker on the bottom” as she calls it. Here’s one of them:

Get thee to a theater and see this movie posthaste! It is AWESOME! I think it may be one of my favorite movies…ever. If you like musicals, if you like Abba, if you are a mother or a daughter, you will love this movie.

Meryl Streep was amazing. Who knew she could sing like that? I loved the production number they did to “Dancing Queen”. I just kept thinking how much I wanted to be singing and dancing with them. So much fun! There was another number later in the film that made the three moms in our group cry. This is a great mother/daughter film, by the way. There were a few moments that were a little bit too suggestive for the two young teens in our group, but they were mature enough to handle it well.

We (me, Marlene and SB, Rochelle and her mom and two of her sisters) went to dinner first and then to the movie and had a great time. We need to do it again sometime soon! I think the best thing about the movie, though, was that we all walked out the theater with a smile on our faces. It was a feel-good happy movie - that’s the kind I like the best!

I would definitely see this again, and I’ll be buying the DVD when it comes out. So, what are you waiting for? Go see it!

LG is spending the night at Grandma’s so Mommy and Daddy went to see The Dark Knight. Or, in reality, we wanted to go see the movie after church and it was going to get out rather late, so we gave Grandma three choices: we come pick her up late, she spends the night or we don’t go. Grandma asked LG if she wanted to sleep at Grandma’s and she said yes, so that is the option that we took. This is only the 2nd time in her life (since she came home from the hospital) that we haven’t slept in the same place. It’s weird and strange. I’m not worried about her. I’m sure she is and will be fine and I’ll go get her in the morning. It’s just weird.

On to the movie review (no spoilers)…Mike said it was good. I said it was too violent to be good. I don’t feel right calling a movie “good” when it’s full of violence, seems like a contradiction in terms to me. Heath Ledger was amazing - creepy, but amazing. If he doesn’t get an Oscar nom, I’ll be shocked, and if he gets the nom, I can almost guarantee he’ll win posthumously. Christian Bale makes a very good (if somewhat young) Batman. Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine and Gary Oldman were awesome. Maggie Gyllenhaal wasn’t too bad herself. It was a little too long, in my opinion, but it holds your attention for the full 2 1/2 hours. Would I see it again? Probably not. Am I glad I saw it? Yes and no. I can’t stomach violence anymore. It just upsets me too much because I don’t want my daughter to live in a violent world. But I’m glad I saw Heath Ledger’s brilliant performance.

I won’t even mention the idiots a couple of rows ahead of us who had a 2 month old baby (or so) at a very violent movie that didn’t end until 11 p.m. Won’t even go there. Oh wait, I already did. Idiots.

Nor will I tell you about the scorpion that we found upon returning home. Because I really don’t want to think about that.

I’ll just tell you that I miss my girl, and I’ll be glad to go get her in the morning!

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You Belong in San Francisco

You crave an eclectic, urban environment. You’re half California, half NYC. You’re open minded, tolerant, and secretly think you’re the best. People may dismiss you as a hippie, but you’re also progressive, interesting, and rich!

Your Power Element is Earth

Your power color: yellow Your energy: balancing Your season: changing of seasons Dedicated and responsible, you are a rock to your friends. You are skilled at working out even the most difficult problems. Low key and calm, you are happiest when you are around loved ones. Ambitious and goal oriented, you have long term plans to be successful.

What Your City Walk Means

You are optimistic and hopeful. Sometimes you do get disappointed by expecting too much. You are generally confident and friendly with strangers. You are well mannered and sociable. Money is very important to you. You like to have lots of nice things… and you don’t care if you’re being greedy. You are curious about ideas. If you had the means, you’d like to explore the whole world.

Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue

You’ve got the personality of a blue eyed women You’re intense and expressive - and always on the go You’ve also got a sweet, playful side - which draws men in

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I really do need to do a catch-up post, but we’ve been busy with VBS since last week, so I haven’t had the energy to do so yet. We’re halfway through the 2nd (and final) week of VBS now and we have two days left. Everyone’s energy tends to go down the 2nd week because we are all tired - teachers and kids alike, but luckily we are blessed with a great team that does the skits at the opening and closing sessions, and if anything, they just keep getting better and funnier every day. We don’t do a full two weeks - just Monday - Thursday for two weeks because back when we did a full 10 days, it just wore everyone out too much. Five days didn’t seem long enough, but 10 days seemed too long. Eight days feels just right and it’s nice to have 3 days off in between to recharge a little bit. It’s not as packed with kids as it used to be, and I’m sure that’s for a number of reasons, but I think this year, one of the issues was that registration seemed like it was cut off a little earlier than normal. I think people get used to things being a certain way, and don’t bother to read and double check dates as closely as they should. There are other reasons, but it’s not really my place to discuss them in a public forum, so I’ll refrain from that. The bottom line, though, is that the kids that are there are having a lot of fun and are learning a lot about Jesus’ Power! And that’s the most important part anyway, right?

So, two more days, and then I’ll try and write a catch-up post because there has been a lotta stuff going on around here!

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IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

I totally forgot to do this on the day of, so I’m doing it now and post-dating it. I claim temporary insanity, because her dad was getting ready to go out of town for three days.

Little Girl is now closer to four than three. I read a quote once that said, “The days are long, but the years are short.” That’s so true. Sometimes the days seem to drag with monotony. I do treasure every day, but sometimes, especially when Mike is out of town or at work, the hours drag by. But when you put all those days together, long or short though they may be, the years are flying. My girl is not a baby at all anymore. Oh yeah, sometimes she wakes up crying at night and needs her mom or her dad, but then so do I every now and then. Before I know it, she’ll be in school, and I’ll really know what monotony is - because she won’t be around to make me smile and giggle. In the meantime, I need to appreciate every day I have to spend with my little girl - long or short - because they will be over all too soon and I’ll wonder what to do with myself…

I have been so not motivated to blog. I’m still blogging daily over at the photo blog, but I just can’t work up much enthusiasm to post over here very often. On top of that, none of my themes are working but this one, and I’m really tired of it and want to change it, but I don’t want to have to figure out why the themes are not working. So there you go. Totally demotivated. (Is that even a word? Well, it is now.) I’m sure I’ll feel more motivated to write here one of these days. Hopefully. In the meantime, please visit the photo blog and say hello now and then! And Surfer Sunday continues as usual. So you know there will be a post here at least once a week. ;)