A Change’ll Do Me good
I’ve heard it said that being a mother is like having a piece of your heart forever beating outside your body. And the truth in that is profound.
I have never worried as much about another person as I worry about my daughter. I worry about so many things. Every time we get in the car, I say a little prayer that we’ll make it to our destination and back safely. Every time I leave her somewhere without me, I don’t totally relax until she’s safely back home with me. I worry that she’ll get lost or hurt or injured or that someone will hurt her feelings. Every time I see a story on the news about a child who has some horrible disease, I pray fervently that she will grow up healthy and strong. I worry that I’m not doing the right things for her to help her grow into a kind loving person. I worry that her refusal to eat certain foods will somehow stunt her growth. I worry about silly things, about things I should worry about and about things I have no control over. In short, I worry a. lot.
But one of the things that scares me the most, I think, is that I will have to leave her before she is grown. And that she will lose her sweet, happy, joyful little soul because she will have to suffer a loss at a young age. That scares me a lot.
So maybe you can understand how freaked out I was about something being wrong with those tests. What if it was this? What if it was that? I was hell to live with for a couple of days. Every time I looked at my little girl, I wasn’t sure whether to smother her with hugs and kisses or burst into tears. So, there was much relief when I heard what the issue of concern was.
But it made me think. What can I do to make sure I’m around for as long as possible? And whatever it is, don’t I owe it to her to make sure I do all those things? We’d all like to think we’re immortal, but unfortunately we are not, and the older we get, the better we need to take care of our bodies. Even if we don’t want to.
I want to see my little girl grow up. I want to see her graduate from high school and college and graduate school if she so chooses. I want to be at her wedding and I want to babysit my grandchildren. And I’d like to see them graduate and get married, too.
I don’t have control over everything in my life. I sure as heck don’t have control over my heart issues. But I do have control over a lot of other things. So I need to take that control and do the best I can to be healthy. For my daughter, my husband, my future grandchildren, but most importantly for myself, so that I can have the best quality of life that is possible for as long as I’m here.
So time to make some changes. It won’t be easy, but I’m going to do the best I can. I can’t ask more of myself than that.
Comment by Barbara
August 22, 2007 @ 3:29 pm
Sometimes all the important stuff is brought into clear focus.
Comment by Bernadette
August 22, 2007 @ 9:24 pm
A wonderful attitude so full of hope. I sincerely believe that once you start fighting for yourself, you will be there for everyone else. My love and prayers are always with you.