Just Call Me Complicated Karin
So yeah, there I was in the hospital, in the lab room thingy where they do the electrophysiology study/ablation and they were sticking innumerable sticky pad things all over my body and I had this overwhelming desire to just get up and run far, far away. But just as I was working on getting a hold on the anxiety, the nice medicine came into the IV and I was fast fast asleep for the next 3 or so hours. I like it that way. It is strange, though, how it feels like you just closed your eyes and the next thing you know it’s three hours later. Very strange.
I have an incredibly sore throat because they felt the need to do a transesophageal echocardiogram in which they send the echo probe down your throat. Sounds fun huh? The sore throat is probably the worst aftereffect besides the incredible tiredness I’m feeling.
I wish I had really good news for you. Unfortunately, I have really complicated news for you. The good news is my heart is back in rhythm and out of tachycardia and flutter. The other part is, well, rather complicated.
So, here’s the thing. They didn’t actually do an ablation yesterday. Because, in the words of my doctor, I have a “very complicated anatomy”. It seems that the atrial septal defect (hole in the heart between the two atria) that I had repaired surgically way back when I was 4 is still open a bit. Which could be no big deal or could need fixed. Oh, and there’s this mislocated vein thing going on as well. You see, your lungs have 4 veins coming out of them that hook up to your heart, but one of my lungs only has 2 veins that hook up to the correct side and one that’s hooked up to the wrong side or something to that effect. Not exactly sure on the details there, but it’s an issue as well as the fact that both the mitral valves on each side are leaking a bit. Yeah, there’s a lot going on in there that is not exactly supposed to. So because all these issues were making it difficult for him to try and get the ablation process to work correctly, he decided to forgo it until he had a better picture of what’s going on in there.
So, the next step is that I get to have a CT scan of my heart. Yay. So excited. Except for the fact that at least it’s not an invasive procedure and it should be relatively short. He wants to be able to see just exactly what is going on in there. And he wants to consult with a pediatric electrophysiology cardiologist as well. Yep, you read that right. Pediatric. Apparently, they deal more with the issues that I have than adult cardiologists do, so he wants to get some insight from him.
So instead of the ablation fixing the issue, they just did a cardioversion to get me back into rhythm, and I’m to keep my meds with me, but not take them unless my heart rate speeds up again. Which means I’m back to the taking my pulse obsessively.
Obviously, this was not really good news and certainly not what I wanted to hear when I woke up from anesthesia. It seems pretty clear that having another baby is not a reasonable option now and that’s kind of sad to deal with. But, we have our beautiful little angel girl who is a gift from God and we are going to just love her and enjoy her and appreciate her and give thanks for her every moment of every day. I know it’s a huge burden to carry when you’re an only child who was not exactly meant to be an only child (having been one myself), but I’ll do my best not to put the pressure on her that my father put on me to be perfect.
I really have no idea what the end result of all of this is going to be. The worst case scenario is probably a pacemaker, but the doctor doesn’t want to do that, and neither do I. Until we have a better picture of all that’s going on in there, we’ll just have to wait and see.
But you know, in the end, I haven’t been handed a death sentence. I’ve just been told I’m complicated and we have to find a different way to solve the problem. I’m lucky I have a doctor who truly believes in the most important rule of medicine: “do no harm” and who is most interested in finding the best way to help me even if it makes it more difficult and more complicated for him. Yes, it sucks. But, in the end, there are people who have it a lot worse than I do. I will get by. I will survive. I have no other choice.
Comment by jen
July 14, 2007 @ 7:16 pm
Ok. I’m so glad to see you’re ok. First and foremost, you are ok. Funky anatomy, but hey, I can relate. Apparently I have/had enough “doubles” of things to qualify as my own twin. ; ) Modern medicine is a wonder. The CT will give the docs a miraculous view into your body and they will find the problem and find a way to fix it or a way to work around it or a way to work with it. It’s not a death sentence, it’s a slight veering off the path. And since we’re not the ones who decide the path, it’s only a surprise to us.
As for not having another child…you never know. You never know how another child will come into your lives. You could suddenly find yourself pregnant again and you and your docs will work with that. Or you could suddenly find yourself called to a church-sponsored informational meeting on adoption. Or a baby could be left on your porch. ; ) You never know. Again, you’re not deciding the path, you’re in for the ride. Please don’t write it off. You’re a wonderful mom and if you and Mike want another child, there is another child out there who wants you. Somehow.
I’m glad you’re ok. I’ve been wondering how you were doing. Now go hug your family and go rest. ;)
Comment by Angel
July 14, 2007 @ 9:02 pm
Karin, I’m so sorry you have to go through even more to have this taken care of. ((((Gentle hugs)))))
And as for another child….you don’t know what the future will bring. I can only imagine how hurt you feel by the idea of not having more kids. But perhaps in the future it will be possible, or other opportunities will come your way.
And if LG is an only child, she will be ok too. With a mom like you, I can’t imagine her feeling anything but loved :)
Still praying and wishing I could do more.
Comment by Grace
July 14, 2007 @ 9:20 pm
Hi Karin, first of all, I love the new banner.
On the other note, I am happy you have a doctor that you trust and feel comfortable with. Yes, the medical terms and your anatomy sounds really complicated and I should not have known anything about the veins that connect the organs heart and lungs until you pointed it out in this post.
You will get by! Just keep on believing that and treasure every moment you have with your little girl and your wonderful hubby. It aches to know that you want more babies and probably couldn’t but who knows? Sometimes life hands out random surprises.
Hugs to you.
Comment by Twisted Cinderella
July 16, 2007 @ 6:36 am
I am so glad you are okay but I am so sorry that things are so much more complicated than you had hoped. I am so sorry that this is not over for you yet. I am so sorry that having another baby isn’t an option right now. I am so glad you are okay but so sorry that all this burden has been placed on your shoulders. (((hugs)))
Comment by Kris
July 16, 2007 @ 3:40 pm
I still think things went ok. It could’ve been a lot worse.
I was with my father for the cardioversion. He said it was an incredibly odd feeling. He was very prone to anxiety also, so I don’t know how much of that was nerves, or if he really and truly felt it happen. (I assumed they knocked you out with some kicka$$ Versed.
I have a feeling after all is said and done, you’ll be just fine - without the pacemaker.
((MORE HUGS))