Reflection
When I look in the mirror tonight, I see someone another year older, another year wiser, a few more lines, a lot more gray hair, but mostly I see someone truly content and happy for maybe the first time in her life. Oh sure, there are times I wish I was doing “more” with my life, that I was contributing to the bank account in some meaningful way, that I was thinner or looked younger or had makeup on or a lot of other things. If I look deep into those eyes, I can see someone who misses her BobDog and her Ladybug and who aches watching Majerle slip away from us a little more every day. I see someone who misses her mother and wishes her relationship with her father was better and maybe that she who shall not be named had never come into our lives at all. I see someone who is thrilled that her kitchen has come as far as it has but is impatient for it to be finished already! I see someone who gets irritated at herself because she eats crap instead of healthy food, spends way too much time on the computer and not enough trying to make this house a better place to live in, who hates doing dishes and cleaning toilets and doing laundry but doesn’t really want to leave the house to do something different because she might miss something important in a little girl’s life, who could be kinder and more positive with people, who would love to go back to school but not now because who has time anyway, who misses her friends at work but doesn’t miss the work, and who loves her husband more than words could say but is not always the best wife in the world. But I also see someone who cried as she kissed her daughter’s forehead tonight and told her daughter that this was probably the best year of her mama’s life because she was in it. And thank you Little Girl, for making it so. Really if I wrote a post and talked about what happened this past year, it would be full of things about her, so I won’t. I’ll just say that it was a great year, though there were sad parts, and it’s the first of many more great years to come.
Happy New Year, Little Girl. You’ve made me so very happy…I’m so glad you came into my life. Mama loves you always and forever.
Comment by Theresa
January 2, 2006 @ 11:33 am
Wow. There’s so much in this post! I will say this - could haves, would haves and should haves amount to unnecessary guilt. All we can do is our best, at that moment, and I have to say, your last year has been consumed with mommyhood, and I think you’ve done your best there for sure.