When I look in the mirror tonight, I see someone another year older, another year wiser, a few more lines, a lot more gray hair, but mostly I see someone truly content and happy for maybe the first time in her life. Oh sure, there are times I wish I was doing “more” with my life, that I was contributing to the bank account in some meaningful way, that I was thinner or looked younger or had makeup on or a lot of other things. If I look deep into those eyes, I can see someone who misses her BobDog and her Ladybug and who aches watching Majerle slip away from us a little more every day. I see someone who misses her mother and wishes her relationship with her father was better and maybe that she who shall not be named had never come into our lives at all. I see someone who is thrilled that her kitchen has come as far as it has but is impatient for it to be finished already! I see someone who gets irritated at herself because she eats crap instead of healthy food, spends way too much time on the computer and not enough trying to make this house a better place to live in, who hates doing dishes and cleaning toilets and doing laundry but doesn’t really want to leave the house to do something different because she might miss something important in a little girl’s life, who could be kinder and more positive with people, who would love to go back to school but not now because who has time anyway, who misses her friends at work but doesn’t miss the work, and who loves her husband more than words could say but is not always the best wife in the world. But I also see someone who cried as she kissed her daughter’s forehead tonight and told her daughter that this was probably the best year of her mama’s life because she was in it. And thank you Little Girl, for making it so. Really if I wrote a post and talked about what happened this past year, it would be full of things about her, so I won’t. I’ll just say that it was a great year, though there were sad parts, and it’s the first of many more great years to come.

Happy New Year, Little Girl. You’ve made me so very happy…I’m so glad you came into my life. Mama loves you always and forever.

I hope to have time to do a retrospective post before the night is over…but we’ll see…

In the meantime, we had a really nice day today. We took Little Girl in for her one year portraits (yes I know her birthday was almost a month ago, but there were holidays to deal with so hush!):

And then we met my former student teacher and her hubby (who fixes Mike’s truck) to get said truck back and decided to do lunch on the spur of the moment. We had a great lunch and a great time catching up on each other and all the gossip from the old stomping grounds. I will not go into everything that is going on there, but suffice it to say that I’m really glad I got out when I did. In the good news column, one of the other teachers who has been trying to get pregnant even longer than we did is expecting, so send good thoughts her way!

Mike has to work tonight, of course, since it’s the biggest gig night of the year and pretty much every band in town is booked. Little Girl and I are going to stay home, watch movies and make fudge. Okay, I’ll be the one making fudge, but I think I’ll let her taste it at least…my last blowout before I have to start eating better again. *sigh* I’ll let her stay up as long as she is awake, although I seriously doubt she’ll make it to midnight. Shoot, I don’t know if I’LL make it to midnight…lol!

Either way, thanks to all of you who have stopped in and read and commented on this blog this past year. You make it much more interesting than just me talking to myself. :)

Happy new year to all of you! See you on the flipside. ;)

This is a cool little meme I saw on both Susie’s and Angel’s blogs. All you have to do is post the first line from the first entry of every month of the year. I’m so proud that not every single one of these had to do with my daughter. See? I actually DO talk about other things!

January - Today my daughter is one month old.

February - My daughter is 2 months old.

March - This was not pretty. [an American Idol review]

April - Reporter to Vatican Correspondent (paraphrased by me): “Why wouldn’t the pope go back to the hospital instead of staying in his apartment? [stupidest question ever]

May - Happy 5 month birthday sweetheart! [Do I sense a recurring theme here?]

June - Five years ago when my mom died, my friend was there. [Regarding the death of the father of a friend.]

July - She was born in Texas, but grew up on a cattle ranch in Arizona. [Sandra Day O’Connor announces her retirement from the SCOTUS]

August - Why, God, oh why…Did you create the fly?

September - Louisiana native Tim McGraw and other Lousiana-born celebrities (including one of my favs Harry Connick Jr.) will be putting on a Concert for Hurricane Relief on NBC tomorrow night. [Lest we forget Katrina]

October - My house has been invaded by crickets.

November - We don’t get any trick or treaters at our house because we live at the end of a cul-de-sac; there are no other houses on our street yet; and there are no street lights.

December - Tomorrow is my daughter’s first birthday. [What a way to end :)]

Little Girl has learned the great art of tormenting the dog. She takes the Teddy Grahams I gave her for a snack and holds them out to the dog as if to give the dog a treat. The dog comes over (Duh!) and tries to get the treat from the grasp of Little Girl. Little Girl has just enough of it showing in her grasp that the dog can lick it but not get a grip on it with her mouth. Little Girl, of course, will not let go of her treasure. She just wants the dog to pay attention to her which she is. So the dog licks the treat and Little Girl moves it away. Then she moves it back and the dog licks it again. Then she moves it away and so on until the dog tires of the game and walks away. That’s when Mommy decides to give the poor dog a cookie of her own and Little Girl decides it’s time to eat the treat. Yep, the one the dog licked. Nope, I’m not even going to think about what that tongue has been doing all day. You can’t make me! On the positive side, the dog didn’t even come close to taking her hand off. She was as gentle as she could be. If it was me or Mike holding the treat and tormenting her? Fingers would be gone. SO not fair.

Yesterday was my biannual visit to the cemetery where my mother is buried. I go on her birthday and Mother’s Day which makes it approximately every six months. If we happen to be in the neighborhood for some reason, we’ll stop by as well. The cemetery is in the “old neighborhood” which is not such a safe neighborhood anymore and feels more like Northern Mexico nowadays what with all the billboards in Spanish and all. (That’s why I don’t go more often.)

Anyway, there was a funeral procession entering the cemetery when we pulled up to the entrance, so we had to wait for that to finish up before we could get in. Luckily it wasn’t anywhere near my mom’s grave so it didn’t interfere with our visit or vice versa.

When we got out of the car and started walking toward her grave, Little Girl reached her hand out toward something. It could have been any number of things that people had left on nearby graves, but it was dead on in the direction of my mom’s grave, so I like to think she was reaching out for her grandma.

We sat there for awhile, telling Mom/Grandma all the things that were going on in our lives. We could hear the mariachis playing for the funeral a couple of sections over. We could hear the cars passing by on the main road. We could feel the breeze on our skin. There’s something about a cemetery. Whether there’s a lot of activity going on or not, it’s peaceful. I don’t know if there’s a reason for that other than the fact that it is what it is, but I always feel at peace when I go visit my mother there.

I can see the street where I grew up from her grave. I didn’t take the time to swing by the old house this time. I just didn’t feel the need and once we were out of the cemetery, the peaceful feeling went away fairly quickly replaced by the “this is not a great neighborhood and I’d like to get out of it quickly” feeling, so we headed home.

I have a lot of other family members bured in that cemetery, and I do visit them on occasion as well. Some day I will take Little Girl around and show her all the different graves and tell her about all the different family members including her great grandparents and her great great great grandparents. I think it’s kind of awe-inspiring to know that she can see where some of her ancestors are buried. In fact, we have a cane belonging to those great great great grandparents and a picture of them with it. Family history spanning six generations. When she touches that cane she will be touching the past. That’s a wonderful thing I think.

Thirteen Reasons Karin Is Irritated Today For a non-venting post, please scroll down and read my tribute to the 75th anniversary of my mother’s birth. 1. My father called this morning as he usually does on Thursdays. 2. He asked me a favor - that if I sent mail to their house (other than birthday cards) to please put both of their names on it because when I don’t he “hears about it”. 3. I used to do that even after she who shall not be named started being horrible to me. 4. But then I found out she who shall not be named would put whatever I sent them for Christmas or whatever holiday (fruit basket, plant, etc.) in the garage because it was from me. 5. So at that point I decided if she who shall not be named didn’t want anything to do with my efforts at being nice, I wouldn’t bother putting her name on them anymore. 6. Then came the day my daughter was born 8 weeks early by emergency c-section because I was bleeding. 7. Which means both of us could have not made it. 8. My husband called my father’s house to tell him about his granddaughter. 9. She who shall not be named answered the telephone. 10. When Mike asked to speak to my father because I’d had the baby, she who shall not be named hung up on him. He called back and left one or two messages. I called and left a couple of messages. My father never received the messages. 11. To me that was the last straw. She who shall not be named burned the last bridge and I was done with any effort at all at trying to be nice or even just civil. 12. Especially since the only reason he found out about the baby (TWO DAYS AFTER SHE WAS BORN) was because my aunt called and he happened to answer the phone. 13. After that, I determined that I was erasing she who shall not be named from my life and would never have another thing to do with her. So no, I will not be adding her name to anything I send to their house. Besides, since none of us are welcomed there, why should my mail include her? Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. TC 2. Lisa 3. Barbara 4. Susie 5. Angel 6. YellowRose 7. Charity

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Today would have been my mother’s 75th birthday. It’s strange to think of her in her 70s because she was 69 when she died, so I didn’t know my mom in her 70s. I wasn’t going to actually write 75 things, because I didn’t figure anyone would really want to read them, but then I realized it would be a great thing for Little Girl to have when she gets older and it will be a great thing to put in the scrapbook I’m making about her. So, don’t feel obligated to read the whole thing or any of it at all if you don’t want to. It’s just me preserving memories. (Read on …)

As I mentioned, I got to see Pride and Prejudice last night. Having seen the 5 hour BBC miniseries version with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle in the lead roles, it is inevitable that I would compare the two and I spent the first half of the movie doing so.

So, let me say this…Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle were absolutely amazing in their roles. But then again, they had 5 hours to tell a story whereas Keira Knightly and Matthew MacFadyen only had 2. Makes a huge difference. Colin and Jennifer’s Darcy and Elizabeth were much deeper, had many more layers and I have to say I can’t really imagine anyone ever doing it better. The BBC show had a much darker feel as well. There was a lightness to the Keira/Matthew version that perhaps needed to be there when you have to tell such a multi-faceted story in a short amount of time. Keira/Matthew were good - but different. My absolute favorite person in the movie was Donald Sutherland as the Bennet patriarch. His performance was perfect.

It really was a beautifully done movie - not as good as the miniseries, but I was very entertained even though I knew the ending. For me, Colin Firth will always be Mr. Darcy, no matter how many times Pride and Prejudice is done. So, I’d recommend you see it - especially if you’ve never seen the miniseries.

You know the kind. When you wake up and all you want to do is stay in bed all day. Not because you’re sick or don’t feel well. Just because you’ve been running like crazy for the past month and you just want to veg out for awhile. “I need a day off.” No, I didn’t get a day off today. But my husband did promise I could have one next week. So I can stay in bed as long as I want, or go to the hair salon, or get a massage or whatever the heck I want to do and he will set up his drafting table next to Little Girl’s play area and I’m sure he’ll get TONS of work done. *cough cough*

In the meantime, tonight Rochelle and I are going to go see Pride and Prejudice. The last movie I saw was Goblet of Fire and the last movie before that was Revenge of the Sith. So yeah, kinda looking forward to it ya know?

Real men change poopy diapers.

Moms don’t get sick days.

That which screws us up keeps us from screwing up our kids.

Moms are on call 24/7/365.

I’m not talking to myself. I’m talking to my invisible children!

Feel free to add your own.

This time last year we had one of the tiniest babies I’d ever seen just a few days home from the hospital. Because she was a preemie, they advised us not to take her out in public since it was a nasty flu season, so she and I sequestered ourselves in the house while her dad did Christmas Eve masses at church. Christmas morning we got up and she slept through the opening of the gifts - most of them hers. (Read on …)

They know that Santa’s on his way;
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is going to spy,
To see if reindeer really know how to fly.

We decided to go with the glass ornaments this year since next year we expect to have a two year old and a couple of puppies running around and that does not mix well with glass ornaments. So, back to their boxes they will go at the end of the season not to be seen again for a few years. ;)

Remember how in the last post I said my daughter is brilliant? Well, she’s too darn brilliant for her own good. I was sitting here typing away and she was playing in her play area or so I thought. As I may have mentioned before, we try to keep her contained due to an old grumpy dog and an unfinished house that is not safe for babies to wander around in unattended.

Anyway, the dishwasher stopped and I thought I might unload and reload it, but first, since I was getting up anyway, I thought I would check on her since she seemed awfully quiet. I figured she probably fell asleep and I should go put her in her crib so she could take a nice little nap before dinner. I’m sitting at a table probably about 10 feet away from her so you’d think if she had managed to escape her confinement I might notice right?

But NO! Because what is the one rule that kids learn before any other rules in life? “If you’re doing something you’re not supposed to, above all else BE QUIET!”

So I walked over to her playyard expecting to see her on the floor asleep. But I see NOTHING. NO BABY. It was dark so I figured I was just missing her and I looked around again (not like it’s a BIG play area or there are any places to hide, but still…). NO BABY. Okay, I think…did I put her in her crib and forget I did it? BUT WAIT! The gate to the playyard is…..OPEN. O. P. E. N. OPEN. As in not closed. As in unable to contain curious toddler. As in…HOLY CRAP! WHERE IS THE BABY???????????

I start looking around frantically calling her name (as if a one year old will answer you when you call her name…DUH!). And I start down the hall toward our bedroom all the while thinking of all the things she could have gotten into and expecting to find her lying comatose on the floor somewhere.

And the house is dark because it’s DARK OUTSIDE and I haven’t turned on any lights yet. And finally as I get closer to our bedroom, I’m thinking oh crap what if she found the dog and the dog got pissed at her (although you’d think I would have heard something like that right?). But no, I get to our bedroom and I see the outline of a little toddler sitting next to the dog dish with dog food all over the floor looking very pleased with herself and smiling up at me because I am calling her name. And yes, she had dog food in her mouth. And yes I dug it out. And no I have no idea if she ate any more than that. And no I don’t care if she ate dog food as long as she didn’t choke on it. And no the dog wasn’t in there (THANK GOD). And yes I feel like a terrible mother even though I’m sure stuff like this happens to most people right? RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME RIGHT. And yes my daughter is brilliant and curious and independent and those are good things.

And the moral of the story?

QUIET IS BAD. VERY BAD.