I have entitled this picture "Talk to the Hand Daddy"

<center><img src="http://members.cox.net/karinrg/talktothehanddad.jpg" /></center>

Disclaimer: The background drives Mike crazy because it is tilted. For the record, I have never claimed to be a great photographer. What mom would be looking at anything but her baby anyway? ;)

So, since I'm neither pregnant nor trying to get pregnant at the moment, and don't have to worry so much about taking heart medication, I am allowing myself the luxury of eating chocolate again. (For those of you unaware, I cut all caffeine and stimulants out of my diet approximately 4 years ago in order to try to avoid going on heart meds if my heart decided to go into an arrythmia.) I'm not going too crazy and eating tons of chocolate, but ohhhhh it feels and tastes soooo good. :)

1. A precious tiny angel sleeping in a bassinet in her own home.

2. The fact that she made it into this world safe and sound.

3. A husband who let his life be turned upside down to take care of me and be there when I needed him the most and when she needed us both.

4. Watching my husband be a father (melts my heart).*

5. Loving family and friends.

6. And we can't forget Majerle and Lady.

*I always knew Mike would be a good father, but to actually see how much he loves and adores her is just mindblowingly awesome. He can barely tear himself away from her to go to work. He helps take care of her without a complaint and in fact enjoys it. Such a tiny little thing to have commanded all that love. Watching them together only makes me love him more.

First of all, I have to say that I have had absolutely awesome medical care and terrific doctors without whom my little sweetheart might still be in the hospital. Luckily, they were proactive and I am convinced that made all the difference - along with tons of prayers and good thoughts from friends and family.

Now onto the story: <lj-cut>

I will try not to get too graphic for those of you with weak stomachs.

Thursday, December 2, 3:00 a.m.

I woke up to use the restroom - nothing unusual when you are 7 months pregnant. Once there, I had the feeling something was wrong, especially when I turned around and saw a trail of blood behind me. I realized there was LOT of blood coming out and yelled to wake up Mike. "We need to go to the hospital NOW! I'm bleeding!" "How much?" "A lot!" "Okayyyy…." I hear him get out of bed. "Whoa…you ARE bleeding." (Later when it was all over he thanked me for not starting to bleed until I was past the bed and the carpet.)

So we get dressed and get in the car and take off for the hospital. All the way there, I was trying to feel her move and coax her to move and nothing. That freaked me out. So by the time we got there my heart rate was pretty high. The nurses got me straight into a room and called the on call ob/gyn from my dr's office. It took them a bit to find the baby's heartbeat because my heart rate was so high. I told them I would calm down as soon as I knew she was all right. Finally, they found her heart rate and it was normal. The doctor got there ready to do an emergency c-section, but by that time I had stopped bleeding so they decided to hold off. A little later they brought in the ultrasound machine to check on the baby and the placenta. Mike and I dozed off (there are recliners in the labor and delivery rooms), and next thing we knew it was around 8 a.m. and my regular doctor came in to see us. He informed me that it looked like a partial abruption and it could be an hour or it could be three weeks, but I was there for the duration, in bed, no getting up even to go to the bathroom. Not a happy scenario, but you do what you gotta do. I ate a little breakfast, and not long after that, felt bleeding again. The nurse called my doctor who came back (their office building is connected to the hospital) and decided it was time to have a baby. 32 weekers have pretty good odds, but it's still scary and all I could do was pray the steroid shots they had given me 4 weeks before had done their job to help her lungs develop.

They took me to the operating room. As we were on the way, my doctor (who is awesome) looked down at me and said "Calm down, everything is going to be okay." I was so thankful it was my doctor who knows me and knows how to calm me down. They gave me an epidural (the worst part of those is the numbing of the area before they actually give you the epidural) and my legs went numb which is really really weird. Next, they brought in Mike all gowned up, and sat him on a stool next to me to hold my hand. There was a curtain up between us and the doctors which is a good thing as I really was not interested in seeing what was going on thank you very much. It's a very odd thing to be awake and know you are being cut open. You don't feel pain just pressure, but very weird. Anyway, the next thing I know I hear this tiny little cry and the doctor holds up this very tiny little gooey girl over the curtain for just a second. Pretty amazing stuff. Then she went to the nurses to clean her up which she did NOT like and let it be known as loudly as she could with those tiny little lungs. Music to my ears. She was breathing. I have never been so happy to hear a baby cry in my entire life. Baby was born at 9:48 a.m. Less than 7 hours after it all started.

Before I knew it, they handed this little sleeping bundle wrapped in a blanket, wearing a pink cap to Mike. I was able to reach out and touch her for a moment before they whisked her away. It's a blur, but I think I said, "Hi precious. She's so pretty." And maybe I cried a little. Okay, I cried. Do you blame me?

I told Mike to go with her to the nursery - I would be all right while they finished me up, but our little one needed her daddy. He later told me he got to carry her all the way to the nursery (not that it's that far). If I couldn't be the first to hold her, I'm glad it was him.

Meanwhile, the doctors finished up on me. I later found out that the placenta was a big mess and they had to basically do a D&C to get everything out, and even then there was some fibrous stuff left that the doctor said would probably just develop into scar tissue. Fun fun.

As for the little munchkin, she was breathing on her own from the beginning, and there was nothing wrong with her at all- she just wasn't quite ready to do some of the things she needed to do - eat and maintain her temperature. So, classified as a feeder grower, she was able to stay at the hospital in the Level 2 nursery (where they receive more attention than in the regular nursery) and did not have to be transferred to the NICU at another hospital. What a blessing that was.

Mike had time to call only his parents as he was waiting for them to take him to the OR, so after it was all over and I was recovering and waiting for the epidural to wear off before they moved me to a postpartum room, he had a lot of phone calls to make. Fitingly, her first visitors were her godmother and godfather. :) Then various family members came and went. I was rather annoyed because everyone got to see my baby except ME! Who did all the work after all? :) Okay, I wasn't annoyed at THEM, I just didn't think it was fair! :)

Finally, when they took me to my new room, the nurse asked if I wanted to stop at the nursery or go straight to my room. I imagine you can guess my answer. Finally, I got to see and touch my little angel. Not hold her quite yet, but at least I could see she had all her fingers and toes. She looked absolutely perfect to me. And yes, oh yes, it was all worth it, every moment.

Side note regarding my father:

Mike called and left two messages for my dad after the baby was born and got no response. I assumed either she wasn't giving him the messages or to be nice that they might be out of town. So, Mike called again on Friday and she answered. He identified himself and asked to speak to my father. She hung up on him. Mike called back immediately and left a message saying that if he didn't hear back from my dad that he would come over in person to deliver the message. Then later that evening, I left a message as well. Still nothing. My aunt called on Saturday to ask about the baby and Mike told her he didn't know if my dad knew and why. She said SHE would call him. My dad actually answered the phone when she called so he finally got the news and nope the *itch had not told him. He called Mike on Sunday and then called me at the hospital. When Mike told him what had happened, his reply was "damn her." To me, it was "well I love her and she loves me." "She doesn't act like she loves you." "Well, sometimes she does." Uh, yeah. Whatever.

What really irritated me about the whole thing is that alhough, thank God, both of us were okay, the fact is that I was hemorrhaging and she was in danger because of the abruption. We were in very good hands, but it makes you think What If? And that awful woman doesn't even TELL HIM????? Well….I have purposely stayed out of her way and kept my distance, which I will still do for the most part, but just LET her cross my path and she will get her ears burnt off by the fire of my words. Or something like that. One thing to mess with me, but now she has messed with my child, so no more nicey nice from me. GRRRRRRRRRR

Oh yeah, and get this. She used to have a display set up in their house with all her grandchildren's pictures, but has since taken it down. My father assumes because she doesn't want him to put up a pic of HIS grandchild.

And the kicker? She actually told him she doesn't want me bringing "that baby" to their house. As IF I would take my daughter anywhere NEAR her stupid negative energy. RIGHT. I told my dad to tell her I wouldn't bring my daughter to her house if she paid me a million dollars. Idiot.

Okay, thank you. I feel much better now. Sometimes I just need to vent it out. Then I can go back to being serene mommy which is much nicer. :)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6747011/

P.S. Update on baby and story of her arrival coming soon!

There are about a zillion pictures of her already I think. Daddy loves his little girl! Here are a few of my favorites: <lj-cut>

<center><img src="http://members.cox.net/karinrg/daddysfinger.jpg" /></center>

<center><img src="http://members.cox.net/karinrg/mommylovesyou.jpg" /></center>

<center><img src="http://members.cox.net/karinrg/prouddaddy.jpg" /></center>

<center><img src="http://members.cox.net/karinrg/familyportrait.jpg" /></center>

<center><img src="http://members.cox.net/karinrg/merrykissmas.jpg" /></center>

The world has changed. Maybe not yours, but mine is forever different. It will never be the same and I would never want it to be the way it was again. The little things are just that…little things. They don't matter anymore.

I am a totally different person today than I was a week ago. I will never be the same and I don't want to be. There is a new clarity, a new focus in my life. There is a new reason to wake up each morning.

There have been a lot of major events in my life in 38 years. Some of them life and death, some of them life altering, some of them painful, others joyous, some just annoying. But the event that happened a week ago is without a doubt the most life altering, joyous one of all.

The moment I saw that tiny little face and knew that she was okay, nothing else mattered. All the pain I have endured, the annoyances of the last seven months, the pain of the years of trying to conceive, nothing, NOTHING matters anymore. Just that precious little bit of heaven sent from God to change my life and make me a better person…a stronger person…a wiser person…a more loving person…a more giving person. A happy person.

I am sure that there will be things that happen in the future that will be hard and will be painful, but all I will have to do is look into those precious eyes, and I will be able to get through it all.

As Martina McBride's song says, "she was sent to rescue me."

I didn't know I needed rescuing, but I did.

And believe me, she has.

She has.

Yesterday we finished 32 weeks of pregnancy which was the next goal we were trying to meet. My little princess is doing well. And the doctor says if I can make it to 36 weeks, they will take me off the medication and let nature take its course. So basically she needs to stay in there for 4 more weeks. Four more weeks of bedrest is not exactly the most exciting thing, nor is it the way I really wanted to spend my holidays, but it's exciting that we've made it this far, and I'll get through it to keep her in there as long as possible. 36 weeks would be December 28, and my mom's birthday was December 29, so that would be a nice day for her to be born I think. Of course, if she wants to wait a little bit longer, that's okay too. If she comes before the end of the year, we get a tax deduction after all! :)

Considering the fact that we didn't know if we would make it this far, I think we're doing pretty well. Hang in there baby girl!

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/050125/0/23/1/-8" alt="Lilypie Baby Birthday" border="0" /></a>