So, one of the positive things about being pregnant is that you don't have to worry as much about what you are eating because you are not supposed to diet anyway.

In an attempt to cure this wretched eternal nausea that I have had, I did an internet search (I know, why didn't I do it before - well I had read a lot on it, but not just done a search on morning sickness). Anyway, one of the suggestions I found was, of all things, potato chips! So, I grabbed the bag of Lay's in the pantry that had been tempting me for weeks and dug in. And guess what? I think it is actually helping! Yay! I have stayed away from potato chips for months because if you are trying to eat healthy and be in good shape, potato chips are really not the thing to eat, but hey, I'm pregnant, and at this point, I will try just about anything. It is blissful to eat potato chips without guilt. Yay potato chips!

All journal entries during pregnancy brought to you by the hormones estrogen and progesterone. Read at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Just to clear up some things:

1. I know that I am blessed by my pregnancy. So don't think I don't believe that - I do and I pray for my baby's health every day. And trust me there are plenty of smiles and happy tears.

2. I know that many are not blessed with the ability to have a baby. I have two very good friends who have not had the blessing of getting pregnant or being able to carry a baby to term. I hope that my blessings continue and I am able to do so, but I think of them a lot and my heart breaks for them because I know how much it hurts to watch people all around you getting pregnant and having babies and you not being able to.

3. I understand that people do it again and again. At this point in time I don't understand WHY, but perhaps I will in a couple of weeks.

That being said….

1. I'm miserable.

2. I'm depressed because I'm miserable (forget post-natal depression, after all the sickness and scariness of this pregnancy I will be so relieved I can't imagine it happening).

3. I've only got a few more months to be able to whine. Then I have to grow up.

SO LET ME WHINE NOW DAMMIT!!!

Pregnancy is romanticized way way way too much. :P

…I'm ready for the 2nd trimester.

We had a trip to the ER on Monday…so far everything is okay, but for more detail (some of it might be too much information for some of you), click here <lj-cut>

I have been spotting since before I knew I was pregnant, which is not abnormal, but is scary. The doctor said "take it easy" (which translates to no working out, no sex, no doing basically anything strenuous) and they call it "threatened miscarriage" which of course is a frightening thing to hear when you have been waiting for something so long and finally get it. But, lots of people spot and have a normal healthy baby, so I just went on with my life - taking it easy and not worrying too much. After all, we saw the baby's heartbeat on June 2 right? And after that ultrasound I had basically had no spotting at all - so I finally thought I was home free. Until Monday when I was standing in the shower and all of a sudden saw blood dripping. (I know - kinda gross, but imagine the terror I felt). Of course, I see this - I just out of the shower and rush to find out where Mike is. He's a few minutes away, so when he finally gets home I get him to drive me to the ER - both of us positive that this is it and I'm miscarrying. So I finally get back to the ultrasound lab and lo and behold that little tiny baby's heart is still beat beat beating away. But right next to "her" gestational sac is what they call a <a href=http://www.angelfire.com/home/joeynrobin/subchorionic.hematoma.faq.html>"subchorionic hemorrhage"</a> which is a big phrase for what is basically a blood clot in the uterus that really has nothing to do with baby, but can put baby in very serious threat if it starts to separate the sac from the uterus. In the meantime, baby is totally oblivious to what is going on and just doing his or her job of growing and multiplying cells. So, I went to see my doctor yesterday as he said "we like to bring you in after these incidents just to reassure you and calm you down." Yes, there is still a chance of a miscarriage, and I still have to be careful, but there is also the chance that the hemorrhage will heal and baby will come through with flying colors. So for now, I am trying to think positively and praying a LOT. The next ultrasound is June 30 and hopefully we will see a little heart still beat beat beating away.

As for all of you, I can only ask for prayers and/or positive thoughts. Thanks for listening.

Our old house FINALLY closed today. Which means of course that at the moment we are not homeowners. I'm sure that will change soon. :)

Bye old house. Good riddance.

I remember 1984. I graduated from high school and turned 18 in October just a couple of weeks before the election. During the spring semester of my senior year they had registered all of us who wanted to be registered to vote as long as we would be 18 by election day. I happily registered and awaited my birthday and then the election. I remember walking into the high school auditorium where we would vote accompanied by my parents. I was so proud to finally be able to do my "civic duty" and cast my ballot. I cast it for Ronald Reagan. I don't regret it. I respected him then and still do today, and my respect for Nancy has grown over the years due to her undying devotion and caring for her husband through very difficult times. He is having the honor and respect due to the President of the United States. May he rest in peace.

Oh being pregnant is just loads of fun. Especially when you have morning sickness 24 hours a day. Well, at least I'm not puking, but on the other hand, puking and being done with it might be nicer than being nauseous all day long. Don't get me wrong…I realize that pregnancy is a blessing and I'm not taking that for granted. Right now, though, I really really wonder…why DO people do this more than once? *sigh* 5 more weeks and maybe I will have some relief. In the meantime, I've tried a few different tricks: ginger (to varying degrees of success), sea (acupressure) bands (also to varying degress of success), and taking my prenatal vitamin at night before I go to bed (which has probably done the most good). But either way, it's hard to function when you constantly feel like you are going to hurl, yet don't. And I'm not eating the best diet at the moment. Basically, I'm eating whatever sounds like it might stay down. Luckily, babies in the first trimester don't need a lot of nutrients. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the second trimester when everyone says nausea goes away and you get this amazing burst of energy. Afternoon naps are nice once in awhile, but I need one every day. Okay. I know. It will all be worth it in the end. I'm sure it will. But allow me to whine a bit now. In a little over 7 months, my whining days will be over.

P.S. If anyone has any nausea cures they want to share, please oh please oh please do. :)

Okay, remember the "thing" I talked about a few entries ago? Well, the "thing" is alive and well and has a little heartbeat thumping away. :D <lj-cut>

Yep, the "thing" is a little munchkin inside my "tummy." So go figure. We go to the fertility specialist, he says, okay when your next cycle starts, go get these tests done and we will go from there. But guess what happens? My cycle doesn't start. I keep charting my temperature and I think "why is my temperature staying so high? That is weird. Must be the heat." And I'm tired all the time which was weird because I've had abundant energy since I've been working out all the time. But I think "must be the kids wearing me out." So I keep charting my temp online and the website finally says, you have had so many days of elevated temperatures, you may be pregnant, please test now! I think "well, okay, if you insist" and stop and get tester on the way home. And it pops right up and I mean FAST. POSITIVE. Whoa. I was a little freaked out. I have had so many tests, and so many negatives, that I had begun to think I'd never see a positive, so that was weird. But there it was. I called Mike on the phone. "I'm pregnant." "You're what? You're pregnant?" I called my friend Marlene on the phone. "I'm calling you on the phone, so that should tell you what this is about. Call me when you get this." (Marlene and I always communicate via email or in person.) I call Fergus on the phone "you're going to be an uncle". "Whaaaa????" I message other friends online. I tell my close friends at school the next day because I'm not going to see them all summer anyway. And I try and get used to the idea that my life is going to change forever. Wow.

…to be continued