Finding Out
My period was late. I had been spotting for about two weeks. And my temperatures were staying in the high range which was weird for me. My temp was usually around 97.0 - 97.5 and it was hanging around 97.9 - 98.5. I couldn't quite figure that out. Anyway, when I put my temp in the chart on the website the message said: You have had 18 days of high temperature readings. You may be pregnant. Please test now! So, on the way home from work I stopped and got a pregnancy test figuring it would be negative like all the rest but also figuring I should check it out. I came home, went to the bathroom, peed on the stick and watched. The first weird thing was that when it scanned past the test window I saw the outline of the line - I'd never seen THAT before. Hmmm I thought. Then as I sat there watching it the control line came up and the other line came up at first faintly. I kept staring at it because the bathroom was fairly dark and I thought I might be seeing something, but it got darker and darker and that's when I started screaming "OH MY GOD" over and over again.
Then I called Mike on the phone. I said "I'm pregnant." He said "You're what? You're pregnant?" I apologized for telling him on the phone but said I couldn't wait to tell other people and he had to be the first to know. Then I called Marlene. She didn't answer, so I left her a message. "I'm calling you on the phone. That should tell you what this is about." Then I called Fergus. "You're going to be an uncle." He was half asleep so he didn't quite get it at first. Then I messaged Neal and Bob. Then I wrote a journal entry and Margo called me later after she had read it.
5 weeks pregnant and I didn't even know it. I thought it was a possibility, but after so may disappointments I just decided to wait and see.
I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I'm thrilled and excited that it's finally happened. On the other hand, I'm kind of depressed that I'm going to gain weight right when I was really getting myself into tip top condition. And all the freedom I gained from quitting my job is now gone again.
It's a weird dichotomy. And definitely something I will have to get used to. I still don't know quite how I feel, but hey…there's nothing I can do about it now! Just go for it. Take it and run with it. This is what life has dealt me. Scary!!!! But exciting at the same time. I bet when I hold baby in my arms in January, all my doubts will melt away.
