Well, I was hoping last week was merely an aberration and thank goodness I was right! Other than the bottom 2 on my list, the rest of them were pretty darn good and there was a lot of personality going on. A lot of unique and memorable voices tonight.

And even though, as Simon said, Ryan's sweater was kinda weird, he's still a great host!

1. Elizabeth - she went for it and enjoyed it - she was one of my favs from the auditions, but she really did NOT have the legs to pull off that outfit.

2. Eric - he has a good voice but I think his song choice was not that great and he was kinda boring overall - even his outfit.

3. Amy - not into the pink hair, but it DOES make her memorable - she chose a really tough song to sing and did a good job and she definitely has a BIG personality.

4. Jon Peter - his voice is a wow in that it is surprising in a way that it comes out of someone who is so lacking in personality - I wasn't too thrilled with some of his affectations, but he definitely has range and a unique sound.

5. Charly - she is a fireball of personality, her accent is adorable and she has definite potential.

6. Jonah - there is potential in there somewhere, but I think he chose totally the wrong song - it was boring and didn't show off his vocal skills at all.

7. Leah - she has a unique voice and I really really like it - for 17 years old a definite wow - I think she can really grow in this competition - there is something about her that I really like and she connects with the audience.

8. Latoya - absolutely without question the best performance of the night - a great voice, but there was something lacking for me - I guess I felt like she didn't bring anything new to the song and I wanted to hear that - but she definitely connected with the audience in a big way.

My ranking:
1. Latoya
2. Leah
3. Amy
4. Charly
5. Jon Peter
6. Elizabeth
7. Eric
8. Jonah

My prediction:

Latoya will definitely go through and probably Amy. I think Leah may have an outside chance because she really does have a LOT of potential.

Tomorrow night will be very interesting! This was a tough choice for me this week!

I just saw a rainbow…something that people for ages have believed is a sign from God.

So is it?

Let's take a look at my day.

I went to the new ob/gyn this morning and the appointment went terrifically. He is putting me, in his words, on the “fast track” to dealing with my fertility issues. He will send me to a fertility specialist and he said if it is possible, he expects to have me pregnant in the next 2-3 months. I'd say that is pretty darn positive.

I came home and was sitting here looking out at the clouds and the rain and wrote a song that I think is actually pretty darn good. The first two lines had to do with sunshine and rain. What makes a rainbow?

When Mike left for work this morning he jokingly said “I'm off to see the wizard”. Well, I think you can figure out the rainbow reference THERE.

He also mentioned when he heard my song that I needed a bridge in it and of course we've all heard of the rainbow bridge.

And of course there is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…maybe I'll get my pot of gold in the form of a squirming, sweet-smelling little angel from heaven in a few months.

I think I will. One way or another.

I stole this from Syndromes and he got it from somewhere else. Have fun!

—

RULES:
1. Put your birth month in an entry.
2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you. (< strike >)
3. Bold the four that best apply to you. (< b >)
4. List all twelve months and rules for others to use.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced (on some things). Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

What about you? All the months are listed in full below.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

A friend of ours was diagnosed 2 years ago with a rare form of cancer and told he had only a short time to live. We had a healing mass for him and the entire parish prayed fervently for him to be healed. Well, whether it was the prayer or just a medical mistake in the first place, when he went back in for tests prior to surgery they found it was not the form of cancer they had originally thought and were able to get it all with surgery. Now comes the news that when he went in for his yearly scan to make sure everything is still okay, they find that the artery from his heart to his lower intestines has a 50% blockage. Not life-threatening at the moment, but he does need immediate surgery. So, had he not had to have the scan for the cancer, they probably wouldn't have found the blockage before it was too late. So, the cancer may very well have saved his life.

Wow. Wow. What more can you say to that really except God DOES work in mysterious ways.

Well, after last week I was really excited to see this week's show, but by the time it was done, I was wishing it was last week again. I have to say that all 8 of the singers from last week were better than all 8 of the singers from this week and it is a crime that two of this week's contestants are going to go through and the rest from last week probably will not unless they make it on the wild card show. Wrong wrong wrong.

Anyway, here is what I thought, the good (not much), the bad (plenty), and the ugly (well Ryan Seacrest makes me forget all that *sigh* *wink*):

1. Matt - (I was missing last week's Matt for sure!)- anyway, he has a very smooth voice, but it sounded kind of loungy tonight - just not dynamic enough.

2. Briana - she was really edgy and unique in the auditions and tonight she just butchered Norah Jones. Don't butcher my Norah! Totally the wrong song for her I think.

3. Noel - to me he looked like a high school kid singing in a talent show - very nervous.

4. Kara - loves the audience - lots of energy, but her high notes especially were really scary.

5. Lisa - her voice doesn't match her looks at all but she can sing - not as blow away as the top two last week but she'll do.

6. Jesus - I didn't believe a word he sang - he was just singing words and I think it was totally the wrong song for him.

7. Camile - sweet but she seemed a lot overwhelmed - I agree with the judges that she does have potential.

8. Marisa - definitely her own style, but she was into it - definite potential, but a little too much “stuff” going on in the song I thought.

My ranking:
1. Lisa
2. Marisa
3. Matt
4. Camile
5. Kara
6. Briana
7. Jesus
8. Noel

My prediction:

I think Lisa and Marisa will make it because they were the only ones that really pulled off a good performance. Camile has an outside shot because the judges were positive with her. Other than that, I can't really see any of them making it.

So far the guys just haven't been strong at all. Simon said during auditions it might be an all female top 12 and he may be right!

Last week I voted for three people. This week I can't bring myself to vote for any.

Let's just hope next week is better or Fantasia and Diana may cruise to the finals.

If you are looking for a mate, it is probably not in your best interests to sit on top of the roof of a two story house and call to your potential mates from there. Especially if you are a roadrunner whose potential mates are…well…on the ROAD.

Yes, we have a lovelorn roadrunner roosting on our roof. The first time I heard him calling, I thought it was a whining dog. So I raced all over the house trying to see if it was one of OUR dogs. Nope. Next, Mike thought it was a giant pigeon and was trying to figure out how to get rid of it (I nixed the bb gun idea). Finally, one day he looked up and saw the roadrunner roosting on the roof. And he's been there for days…calling and calling. To no avail apparently because he is still there calling and calling. He is interesting to watch. First he poofs out his feathers, apparently to make himself look as large and buff as possible. Then as he does his song he does this kind of head bob thing and gets taller as he goes. He was not too thrilled with us watching him (No voyeurs allowed), so we finally came in and left him alone.

Now, lest you think I have a problem with him being there, I really do not. I just hope he finds a mate soon because he's making me sad!

Actually we did a very nice job with dinner. It was yummy. I took a recipe I found somewhere and changed it a bit to suit Mike's taste and we put it together very nicely. It was shrimp, alfredo sauce, linguine, chopped up red bell pepper, and fresh oregano. Very yummy. The only mistake we made was forgetting the chop the tails off the shrimp before we mixed it with the alfredo. So Mike stood there chopping off shrimp tails while I was cooking the linguine. It was pretty funny. And for the first time working with shrimp (I got precooked and peeled DUH), that's not too bad I guess. :)

The creme brulee was almost perfect, but could have been cooked just a TINY bit longer to make it a little more firm. Mike had a great time caramelizing the sugar with the butane torch. Making it was actually a lot simpler than I had expected. Just a few minutes to whip up and then 45-60 minutes to cook.

I decorated the table most beautifully and we had our first candelight dinner in the new house. I bought tulips for the table and they looked sooo pretty.

All in all, it was a lovely dinner after we spent the day driving up to Jerome and hanging out for a bit just to get out of town. We had a nice day and evening together and then watched “The Importance of Being Earnest” which is hysterically funny especially since it has two of my favorite actors (Rupert Everett and Colin Firth).

Hope all of you had a lovely Valentine's Day as well. :)

I walked out to my car today to go home and as I got closer and closer I could see there was a red envelope stuck in my window. I thought maybe it was from a student who has forgotten to give me a Valentine or something. But the envelope said “Karin” and the handwriting looked suspiciously familiar, so of course I ripped it open and found a sweet card from my sweet husband who had sort of been in the neighborhood a few hours before on his way to somewhere else. Awwwwww…when I spoke to him on the phone on the way home he said that he would have left my present in there too, but he had forgotten the key to my car. So my sweetie can be romantic when he tries. :)

My gift? A creme brulee set cuz I love creme brulee, but every restaurant around here seems to serve it chilled. In Paris they serve it warm and it is heavenly. I will now be able to make my own and serve it warm! Yay! So tomorrow I get to experiment with creme brulee. I'll let you know how my first time goes.

There have been some emotional moments on Survivor over the years…voting Rudy out last week was one…Mike falling into the fire was one…there have been other of course…but none can live up to tonight.

By the time it was over I was sobbing. It brought back a lot of feelings and memories…and well it just hit a bit too close to home I guess in some ways.

I think if I was Jenna, I never would have gone in the first place, but from what I've read her mom encouraged her to go. That's a hard thing to turn down.

Jeff's comment to her about “getting updates” was interesting…but when you're an only child, there is a connection with your parents, maybe especially with your mother that is very very strong, and she obviously just knew something was not right.

I'm glad she had the strength to leave. She never would have forgiven herself if she had not been there when her mother died. A game is just not worth it. No amount of money or fame or anything is worth that. And her mom knew for the last few days of her life that she was the most important thing in her daughter's life and she was loved beyond all else. And that is a very very good thing.

Jenna has never been one of my favorite survivors, but my heart was truly with her tonight. And still is. To lose my mother at 33 was hell. To lose her mother at 22? With her whole life still ahead of her…the things she will miss. My heart breaks for her. She is a tough girl, though. She will survive.

I guess that's the thing about reality shows. They are real life. Good and bad. Real raw emotion. There is nothing quite like that.

I must admit that I only watched a couple of episodes the first season and zero the second season, but I've watched from the beginning this time (because you can't skip the horrendous audition shows - they are too funny and I can't wait to see what caustic comment will come out of Simon's mouth next).

So, tonight was the first night of “real” competition. And after the audition shows, I was a little worrid, but I must say that parts of the show tonight really blew me away.

My critique and predictions:

1. Diana - WOWOWOWOWOW her voice really blew me away especially since she is only 16 and oh the sparkle and stage presence - it was easy to see that she LOVED being there

2. Marque - beautiful voice, but not a spectacular performance - would love to see him on Broadway some day

3. Ashley - there was just nothing there for me - no spark and she chewed some of her words Reba style which is annoying to me, but a pretty voice

4. Katie - I actually really love her voice and she definitely has stage presence, but not sure if she is upper echelon

5. Erskine - there was something I liked about him - maybe because he seemed very real - but not one of the top performers of the night

6. Jennifer - certainly she has an awesomely powerful voice, but I dunno, there was something that just didn't sit well with me about her performance and she is WAY too emotional

7. Matt - that smile, ohhhhhhhhhhhh, and i really do like his voice - I think he needs a little more polish to really be a star, but I can see him there at some point.

8. Fantasia - the girl can SANG…the southern accent was a leetle too much for me at times, but she can sing and she definitely has presence and star quality

My ranking:
1. Fantasia
2. Diana
3. Matt
4. Katie
5. Jennifer
6. Erskine
7. Marque
8. Ashley

My prediction:

I think Fantasia will definitely make it

The other one? I think it is a toss-up between Diana and Matt, but I think Matt might go through just because he is a cute guy (ya gotta have eye candy), even, though Diana probably deserves it more.

Just my opinion folks!

P.S. William Hung rox!!!!!!

So for the second time the sale of our house has fallen through. The first time it was delay after delay and we just put them in breach of contract. This time everything looked great and the buyer lost his job. Poor dude, but darn it for us! The stupid house has been on the market for over a year now. We are now at the point that we are ready to try anything, so we went and bought a statue of St. Joseph and dutifully buried it upside down in our front yard facing the street. So, we'll see if it works. Some people swear by it. Others say it didn't work for them. But at this point, it sure can't hurt!

My father had hernia surgery on Thursday. I have no idea how he came through because of course we have received no phone calls. I initially found out about the surgery by reading it in his church bulletin a couple of weeks ago. He finally got around to calling us Wednesday or Thursday morning (Mike can't remember which day it was). Of course he called when I was at work. I have no idea if that was avoidance of ME or because cancer-woman happened to be gone then. I do know, though, that he didn't bother to tell anyone else in the family, and that even when my Aunt Dorothy calls cancer-woman won't even talk to her and just hands the phone to my father.

Anyway, I was in a little bit of a dark mood thinking of all the things that I would “like” to do were I a different person (I am only human after all). One thought was to write her a letter detailing all her sins and send it to her. I may write the letter someday, but I seriously doubt I would ever send it. It would be more as a way for me to get it out and release it. I was too tired to rehash the whole story today so no letter, but I did manage to get a few feelings out. Warning, the following is rather dark and apocalyptic and not my usual style, so don't read it if you're not in the mood.

Ode to the Nasty One

You who are evil and vindictive and psychotic
Take note
There is a place for you when all is said and done
A place of suffering and pain
To repay all that you have caused
Perhaps on earth you get away with it
But when you die you will reap what you have so nastily sowed
Good people suffer on earth
Evil people do not always suffer in life
That is the way of the world
But in the end
Good people and evil people both are served justice
Remember that when you are hatching your dark and evil plots against those who love what you hoard.
You may think you have power over us
But you really don't
You have no power at all
Because you will end up alone, in pain, with nothing
That is what happens to evil
They push away all that is good around them in their lives
And end up in a dark cold existence
Perhaps you don't care
Perhaps all that was once good in you has been twisted so badly that nothing matters to you anymore
Then there is nothing left for us to do but feel sorry for you
For that will never happen to us
We have warmth and joy and love in our lives
And you?
You have nothing
And you never will.

Well, I'm finally ready to talk about the whole pregnancy thing now….so if you want to hear the story….click there —>

Where to begin…..

Well first off I had two very pale positive home pregnancy tests (HPTs). And I was one week late! So I called the doctor's office and they sent me for a blood test. I was so very excited because I thought finally finally this was it!

Blood test results: Big Fat Negative.

Devastation.

Medical assistant says the doctor will probably want to put me on Provera (to make me bleed since I'm a week late and I'm not bleeding).

Well, I did some research. Blood test companies don't recommend you test before TWO weeks late. Also, HCG levels can vary so much in early pregnancy that most of the time the doctor will recommend that if you have symptoms (which I did), are late (which I was), and had positive HPT (which I did), that you retest in a few days.

So after medical asst talks to the doctor a few days later, doctor has said, yes to Provera. But I said, uhhh…NO. I am not comfortable with that until I know what is going on in there. So I asked to test again in a few days. Okay, no problem. So they mailed me the paperwork.

That weekend two more HPTs came back faintly positive. I was up again figuring that the first blood test was a false negative and the next blood test would show I really was pregnant.

So, by the time I went for the 2nd blood test, I was now 2 1/2 weeks late…still nauseous…still sore breasts…etc. I was excited. So on Friday afternoon, I desperately tried to find someone in the doctor's office to get me the results so I didn't have to wait all weekend. Finally, I got someone.

Blood test results: Big Fat Negative

Shock and disbelief. It HAS to be wrong! I'm late! I'm nauseous! What is going on?

But I had to wait until Monday to talk to the dr's office again.

By Monday I was THREE weeks late and I had had a tiny bit of bleeding on Friday night. But nothing since then, and bleeding can happen in early pregnancy and not be anything to worry about.

Monday the medical assistant AGAIN says doctor wants to prescribe Provera. Uh…NO. Not until I know for sure what is going on in there! I was really disgusted that all the doctor wanted to do was throw pills at me and make me bleed instead of trying to figure out what was going on.

So at that point I made an appointment with the Nurse Practitioner for Friday since none of the doctors had an appointment before February 17.

So, on Tuesday (the 27th of January) night I bled some more. Now I was starting to get worried that my little journey was ending abruptly. Wednesday bled on and off all day, but not a lot, so I still didn't feel like I had an answer. Thursday I went to work but felt really shitty all day (and there is really no other word to describe how I felt). When I went to the bathroom at work at one point, I had a ton of clotty stuff coming out (sorry if you are squeamish). I felt so awful and was crampy and soooo nauseous that I ended up leaving work two hours early. I managed to drive myself home after calling to warn Mike he might have to come get me. After I got home my cramps got worse and worse until they became the absolute worst cramps I've ever had and no Advil to be found. I was curled up in bed where no position was comfortable and going back and forth to the bathroom on and off where more clotty stuff came out. I was not bleeding enough to go to the ER, but it was scary enough. My lower back was killing me and I felt like I wanted to die. Mike was out, but came home as soon as he could stopping at the drugstore to get Advil and a heating pad. That combination FINALLY took the edge off the pain and I could relax a bit. But, I also realized that this was most likely the end of whatever had been going on for the last few weeks.

The next day I went to the see the NP and pretty much assumed I had had a miscarriage. Of course, my doctor's office being the joyful place that it is, they quickly put a damper on those thoughts. Here are some choice quotes from my visit with the NP with my parenthetical thoughts added:

“Well, at your age, three weeks late is normal.” [even if I've never been more than a few days late in my life?]

“Hmm, HPTs are usually accurate, so that is weird, but it could be something hormonal that caused it to go positive.” [And what hormone would that be? One that you just invented? *See below to see the only three things that can cause a false positive on an HPT.

“Well, you know, your eggs are old and your husband's sperm is old and it's hard for them to get together and work right when they're old. But it is true that lots of women over 35 do get pregnant.” [Ummm…my husband's sperm is OLD? Have you ever heard of Tony Randall?]

“Well, when you're three weeks late, you're going to get a lot of heavy bleeding when you finally have your period.” [Or maybe I'm having a miscarriage :P THAT might explain it.]

So anyway, with all that lightness and joy she decided to send me to get a quantitative HCG test to see if “had” been pregnant. She was sure that would tell us. And get my blood typed since I didn't know what it was.

So, I go get the blood test and have to wait until Tuesday to get the results.

Blood test results: HCG level less than 1

So according to the NP that means that it is “highly unlikely that I was pregnant or miscarried.”

Highly unlikely? So that means I could have been.

“Well, I don't want to get your hopes up.” [Gee, maybe having the belief that I CAN get pregnant even though I miscarried is better than thinking it was all a big mistake?]

“If you were, it wasn't in the last 2-3 weeks.” [Hmm, it would seem to me that if the body realized very early on that it's not viable then it wouldn't keep making HCG and the levels would therefore go down quickly.]

And what about the positive HPTs?

“Well I don't know how to explain that.” [umm…maybe I was pregnant and I miscarried? Let's start there.]

Anyway, as you can see, it was not a pleasant experience with my doctor's office. And I have decided not to step foot in that office ever again.

I do NOT want a doctor who throws pills at me. I want a doctor who takes the time to figure out what is wrong with me and works to help me carry a full-term baby if there is any possible way for me to do it. And I certainly do not want to go to an office where the other staff talk out of their ass because they don't know what they are talking about.

So, in conclusion (aren't you relieved? lol) I believe I was pregnant. Mike believes I was pregnant. Other people I know believe I was pregnant. I think the doctor's office is so focused on test results that they did not listen to anything I was saying. I'm not crazy or illogical. The evidence on the side of BEING pregnant far outweighed the evidence against it which was ONLY three blood tests. Maybe my blood has a factor that hides it. I have no idea. But I do know that I felt pregnant. And when I miscarried, I felt like it was gone.

So, if you've read this far, thank you. I am keeping a positive outlook. We did it once, we'll do it again. Baby, baby, here we come.

*What can cause a false positive on HPT?

1. fertility drugs [not taking]
2. recent miscarriage [no]
3. ovarian cysts [highly doubtful, especially when all the
other symptoms of pregnancy were present]

I do not want to go to bed. I do not want to get up at 5 a.m. I do not want to go do my job ANYMORE!!! Why????????

Big
Elephants
Can
Always
Use
Scrambled
Eggs

That's Why!

Figure that one out I dare you!