Three years ago today….
…it was pouring rain. We were asleep in bed…my mom was in the other room and I could hear her labored breathing through the night. The phone rang at some godawful hour of the morning. The caller ID said my father. Mike answered the phone and my father asked if we had called. No, we said, we were asleep. Strange, he said, the phone had rung and we were on the caller ID. We hung up and went back to sleep for the moment. The phone rang again. Again the caller ID was my father, but this time he wasn't on the other end. We chalked it up to the weather, and I lay there listening to my mother's breathing. The time between breaths got longer and longer. Finally, I didn't hear a breath for a long time. So I got up and walked toward her room. I paused in the hallway waiting to hear another breath. I heard one last long sigh. Then nothing and nothing and nothing. I called for Mike because I couldn't face going in there alone. We walked into the room. She was gone. I knew the moment was coming. It's why I had stayed up so late the night before holding her hand, stroking her hair, telling her I loved her, even though I didn't know if she even knew I was there. I gave her a kiss goodbye. I squeezed her hand. I left the room and started making telephone calls. She was not there anymore, and neither did I want to be in that room. Mike stayed in the room stroking her hair and crying for a very long time. I love that man. He has a heart that is so big I cannot fathom it. I listened to the sounds outside…the cars driving by, the children going to school…the world going on about its daily routine not knowing that my little world had crumbled. My father came over. Friends came and went all day. Arrangements were made. But nothing would ever be the same again. My rock was gone…physically at least. But emotionally she has never left my side. Not once. I feel her there every minute of my life as certainly as I breathe. While it would have been easier to get through the past through months with her physically around and talking to me, she was there, and I knew it. I felt it. She always is. She is part of me and always will be. I miss you mom, but you are never far away. Sleep well. Rest in peace.
