D-day? B-day? Get-it-the-hell-over-with Day
Sooo….today is the day of the biopsies. And I'm nervous and relieved at the same time. Of course, I'll still have to wait at least 3 days for the results, but at least I'll know that this time there will be an answer, whether good or bad.
Yesterday was my mom's birthday, and I suppose I can think of that as a blessing rather than a hardship. I went to the cemetery, as it is one of the two days I go there each year without fail (the other being Mother's Day), and sat and had a good long talk with my mom. And it helped, I think. I know she is with me and will be with me no matter what. It's still hard to not have her physically here with me, but…well that is just something I have to deal with. My mom would have been 72 yesterday. Strange to think of that. I think in my mind she will be eternally about 50 years old or so…that's when I remember her the most healthy and out and about and doing things I guess. She was never really terribly healthy, but she was still able to get out and do things then, so I like to remember her that way. I still hear her voice…I hope I never lose that.
So, I'm going off to the hospital in an hour or so…and I truly believe that things will be okay. Even if the results of the biopsies are not exactly what I want. But no matter what, I will be okay. I believe it.
