I painted for the first time in my life. And Mike even said I did a good job. So the bathroom in our new house (well, one of them) is RED. Yep. RED. And Mike's parents were less than impressed with our color choice, but hey, they aren't going to live there so pfffffffftttt.

Tomorrow…

Blue…I think I'll paint my office….Blue.

Okay, so it's a few days late…I personally don't think we should need a HOLIDAY to remember to be thankful…but…

Things I'm thankful for in no particular order:

Friends who worry about me.
Friends who let me cry on their shoulders even if they are across an ocean and on a webcam.
Friends who are always there for me.
Friends who help me to realize that I'm a worthwhile person.
Friends in general.
The roof I have over my head now and the one I will have over my head soon.
My job even when it's a pain in the arse.
The fact that I had my mom for as long as I did.
Mike…because he puts up with me through thick and thin.
Miracles.
My doggies who keep me company when I'm alone.
My health.
My stamina.
My weight loss.
My brain.
My students.
Being alive.
Those of you who read this blog…who comment in it…and who let me be a part of their world even though we've never met.
And last, but not least….
Caffeine free cocoa.

I have passed test, and I am now deemed worthy to be known as a … … Sorceress. In the war between good and evil, Sorceresss take the side of the noble and good.I am gifted with the elemental plane of Air.

Find out what kind of Wizard/Wizardess you are at DragonHame.com

A Sorceress creates magic the way a poet creates poems, with inborn talent honed by practice. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Some Sorceress' claim that the blood of dragons courses through their veins. It may even be true-it is common knowledge that certain powerful dragons can take humanoid form and even have humanoid lovers, and it’s difficult to prove that a given a Sorceress does
not have a dragon ancestor. A Sorceress often has striking good looks, usually with a touch of the exotic that hints at an unusual heritage. Still, the claim that a Sorceress is partially draconic is either an unsubstantiated boast on the part of a certain Sorceress or envious gossip on the part of those who lack the Sorceress's gift.

Find out what kind of Wizard/Wizardess you are at DragonHame.com

Your powers are highly attuned to the elemental plane of air. Storms and the powers of the winds come at your beck and call. Sometimes a magic user tuned to the elemental plane of air has the power to fly at will, and infuse his living body with the powers of his element. Often mages of air will build their strongholds or magical dwellings in high places such as mountain tops or flying citadels high above the earth where they can be close to their element. Some of the more powerfull spells in your arsenal include Lightning Bolt, Desert Twister, and Divine Wind.

Find out what kind of Wizard/Wizardess you are at DragonHame.com

I am a A Copper Dragon!

Hey, I took the Inner Dragon quiz and found out I am a Copper Dragon on the inside.

In the war between good and evil, Copper Dragons take the side of the noble and good….
When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner dragon walks a fine line between Law and Chaos….
As far as magical tendancies, Magical spells come as natural to the Copper Dragon as breathe from it's body….
During combat situations, whether by spells or by claw, your inner dragon will do whatever it takes to get the job done….
Copper Dragons make thier homes on wooded hillsides, preferably close to a spring or river. They are fond of the Irish and typically speak with a soft Irish accent.'
At birth, the Copper Dragon's body is covered in semi-reflective copper scales. As the dragon matures into it's young adult stages these scales become more polished and highly reflective.'
As the dragon grows older and moves to the elder stages of life, it's scales begin to tarnish and mature into a bright greenish brown color. Copper dragons spend little time among humans, but can be often found among the elves and other magical folk.
'
This Dragons favorite elements are: Copper, Emeralds, and Laughter

http://Dragonhame.Com

This afternoon at church they had scheduled a healing mass for my friend. At a healing mass, they anoint with oil, pray, and lay hands on the sick. I sang with some other people and it was very lovely, but there was good news. The doctor told him on Friday that it was not the rare cancer they had originally diagnosed and that during the surgery on Wednesday they got the entire tumor. Praise God. Now, you may say that the test results were wrong to begin with, and that very well may be true, but I choose to believe in miracles, and when you've been told you are going to die and then you get a reprieve like that? I'd call it a miracle pure and simple. Prayer can do amazing things. This I never doubt.

So, to paraphrase Neal, life is royally kicking me in the ass right now. Keep in mind, the difficult things started on October 19 (that would be my birthday). First aunt dies, then grandfather, then Mike's uncle, then the mammogram thing, and now….now I think the worst thing of all. A dear friend has been diagnosed with a rare form of incurable (uncurable?) cancer. This I don't know if I can handle. He is an older gentleman, but someone who has filled some of the father role in my life the past few years. Someone I love so very very much. Someone who has an awesome wife, and three terrific kids (all grown). Someone I don't want to lose. So, I ask all of you who read this to do whatever it is you do. Pray, think good thoughts, burn candles, throw salt, whatever…I don't care. Just let's get some good karma flowing for my friend. He is so full of life, and so loving of it…this is beyond my comprehension. Life really sucks sometimes. But I guess this makes my little worries about what MIGHT be wrong with me seem quite insignificant. Maybe that is a good thing. But, it's the only positive thing I can think of right now. I cried a lot yesterday, and I'm sure I'll cry more today. This one is tough.

My word, three entries in one day. What has come over me? You'd think something was going on in my life. *sigh*

Okay, you know you've shopped way way too much at Mervyn's when they send you gold card. Well!!!! I had to have new clothes since I'm a few sizes smaller after all!!!! ;)

Good news: My students sold the most stuff in the Nestle' sale at school which means that not only did they get a bunch of prizes, but their very beloved teacher gets a 2 night 3 day hotel stay. Woohoo! I have my choice of various destinations, have to pay my own airfare, but cool huh? I had told them if they got me a trip, I'd do something nice for them, so now I have to do that, too! Oh well. Good for them!

Bad news: My mammogram results were inconclusive. Soooo, I have to have “additional views”. According to the nurse at the OB/GYN office, there is density in the right side and so they want to make sure that it's fibrocystic stuff and not something that needs to be treated. That's always happy news huh? My first stupid mammogram and I have to have an ultrasound on top of it. Well, at first, I was understandably very upset, but then after the tears and the drama subsided a bit and I began to think more clearly, I realized that if it was something really urgent or worrisome, they would have got me in for the ultrasound right away, and not in two weeks, and that the doctor herself would have called and not the nurse. So, I will assume they are just being cautious, and really don't think it's anything to worry about. That should keep me sane for the next two weeks until I get the ultrasound anyway. The first appointment was on the 3rd and during the day, so I will take a day off because, well, I just don't want to wait any longer than I have to to be honest. I will keep you posted.

I just got throught reading an article on how “the United States is a cold and uncaring place to die, offering little relief
from pain or even sympathy to people in their last weeks and months, according to a report issued Monday.” The article talks about how most people die in hospitals and how hospitals are set up to prolong life rather than let people slip peacefully away, and what a low percentage of hospitals offer hospice care, so few people are able to die at home, etc. etc.

My grandfather's recent death was under hospice care. My mother's death was under hospice care here in my own home. And I had another friend who died under hospice care, so at least in Arizona and in Texas I assume (where my grandfather was), that does not seem to be the case at least.

When my mother died, I was able to see first hand the ability to die with dignity and with choice. I appreciate and respect Hospice workers and the care they are able to give to those who are making the transition from this life here on earth. I could never do what they do, but I am so thankful there are those who are willing and able to do it.

Death should be dignified and should occur surrounded by those who love you in a place where the patient feels secure and comfortable, not hooked up to machines and tubes and in a cold hospital room.

Thank God for Hospice…for allowing my mother, my grandfather, my friend, and countless others to die with dignity and in peace.

I can't even believe how long it's been since I wrote something here…and I'm not sure I really have much to say even now. But I wanted to let the people who actually read this thing know that I'm alive and well, if not a bit tired and introspective. When I grieve I tend to get very quiet and turn inward and not really share a lot of what's going on with the world around me. It's just my way. A very dear friend told me once that we all have to grieve in our own way and this is very true. So, I know that my way of doing it is not always understood by others, but it is my way, and so it must be. And besides, other than moving date getting closer and closer and planning a trip to London for Spring Break, there isn't a heck of a lot going on in my little world right now. Picking out paint and tile for the new house is terrifying and exciting at the same time. I will try and be better about keeping this up in the days and weeks to come. The house is an exciting thing and I need to show you all some pictures of it! In the meantime, keep smiling and be happy. I dare you. (Neal may be the only one who gets that reference, but that's okay.) :)

I didn't pick out the name Poppy and neither did I ever care for it all that much, but that's what my three older cousins called my grandfather, and therefore I was stuck with whether I liked it or not. Didn't really matter. He was my grandpa and I loved and adored him. So many memories came flooding back since I got the news last night…of Poppy sleeping on the sofa bed at our house when he would come to visit. Of Christmas mornings with him there. Of visiting him in his house and being held in his strong arms. Of riding around in his 18 wheeler with him, feeling small, but safe and secure. Of the way he said “my granddaughters”. There were four of us. I was the youngest by quite a bit, but he loved us all. And even though he didn't have a grandson, I can be certain that he was proud of his granddaughters. Every one of them. And we were proud of him, too.

It's strange what things will trigger a memory. A few years ago, I was making cookies for Christmas, and one of the recipes called for molasses. For whatever reason, when I opened that jar and smelled that molasses, all I could think of was Poppy. So I called my mother to ask her why that might be. We finally decided that it was the memory of biscuits and molasses that he used to make when we'd visit when I was small. To this day, that smell is fully attached to him and probably always will be.

Honey also makes me think of him. Not necessarily the smell, but the fact that he sold it for awhile, and so whenever he would come to visit, he'd bring honey. And quite often, he'd have honey from the comb. Oh, how I loved it! That was a special treat, and that kind of honey will always remind me of him, but all honey does in its own way.

When I was a very little girl, my parents took me to visit my great uncle and great aunt. My great uncle, who was my grandfather's younger brother, looks very very much like my grandfather. At the time, my grandfather was single, my grandmother having died before I was born, and so my mom says I wouldn't have anything to do with my great-aunt, because my Poppy (whom I had mistaken my great-uncle for in my 2 year old mind) did not have some woman living with HIM!

I remember visiting Texas with people from church when I was about 15, and going off with my grandfather to visit my cousins. There was a tornado that day, and we had to basically outrun it. But I wasn't scared. I knew that my Poppy would take care of me. And he did.

One of my favorite stories about my grandfather was when he married my grandmother. He took her to the preacher's house and knocked on the door. Nervous as he was, when the preacher didn't answer, he went to the other door. In the meantime, the preacher had answered the first door. This went on for awhile, until the preacher finally got smart and stayed put. My grandmother was older than my grandfather, but she didn't know it at the time they got married. My grandfather loved her so much, he wasn't about to tell her because he knew she wouldn't marry him. So when the preacher asked him if he was over 21, he said yes. (He was actually only 17 and she was only 19.) You might think he lied, but he didn't. He had written the number 21 on a piece of paper and put it in his shoe, so indeed, he was “over 21.” After they were officially married and my grandmother found out how old he really was, she threatened to send him packing back home until he grew up. Well, she obviously didn't, because my uncle was born less than a year later.

I remember when he married his 2nd wife, my stepgrandmother, who was really the only grandmother I ever knew as my paternal grandmother was ill most of the time I was alive and she died when I was barely 7. She is a wonderful lady, and I'm glad that my grandfather found her and was happy with her for these many years.

I remember the trailer house in Amarillo and visiting him and my cousins and uncle coming over to see us. I remember the house my grandfather designed and built in a little town in New Mexico.

But most of all, I remember that he was always always there for the important things in my life….my heart surgery when I was 4, my graduation from high school, my wedding, my graduation from college. My grandfather was always there. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much he loved me. It was unconditional. I was his granddaughter and that was enough for him.

I haven't seen him in quite a few years, not since he stopped driving due to health reasons, but I always knew he was there, and the love that we had for each other crossed the miles.

Now he has joined his little family, wife, son, and daughter, who went before him. They are together again. I know my mom is glad to see her daddy, and I know they are smiling and happy together.

I'm sad because I know I won't see him again on this earth. But I know he was ready to go. I know that in all his stubbornness, he would have stayed longer if he hadn't been.

So, I love you Poppy. Vaya con Dios. 'Til we meet again.

Well, it's once again an election day, and I did my civic duty in the wee hour of the morning. I was the 2nd one in the polling place this time. On primary election day, I was first, but I still was the first one both times to put my ballot in the box. I don't know why, but I think that's kinda cool. Anyway, I voted. Wasn't too thrilled with any of the candidates in some races, but…well…I guess someone's got to do the job. Oh well. I let my voice be heard. It was a frigging long ballot, too. Took me 10 minutes to get through it and I even had a list to follow! So, now we sit back and wait to see who the new governor of Arizona is, and whether any of the propositions pass…

My grandfather (maternal) passed from this life this morning. There won't be a funeral. My cousins will take the cremains and bury them next to my grandmother. I haven't seen him in so long…since he stopped being able to drive and stopped coming out to visit us. But, I will never forget the times we spent together when I was small…so many memories flooding back right now. But…I will write more later when I have a chance to sort it all out. The thing that makes me feel okay is that the little family is back together. My grandmother, my uncle, my mom, and her daddy whom she loved so much. They are once again united. This I believe. I'll miss you Poppy. I love you. Tell mom I miss her too.

Well, I'm really sorry that I don't have pictures of it for you, but I'll get some up as soon as I can. However, the drywall is in and they were taping yesterday to get ready for the texturing on Monday. And let me just tell you, it really really looks like a house! I am SO excited I can hardly contain myself. It's not a forest of wood anymore. It's a house with rooms and walls and everything! Wow. I just wandered and wandered through it. It was so neat to actually see where the pathways were and not walk through the walls…hahaha. Anyway, we have determined that we will slightly move in the weekend before Christmas…just enough to exist in the space…and REALLY move in the 27th and thereafter until I go back to work on January 6th. It is reality folks. There is a move-in date. A firm and solid one. We will be painting on the 11th and probably Thanksgiving weekend, and getting the last minute things done that need to be finished before we can pass the final inspection that says yes you can live here. So, move in date is: December 21. That is….49 days and conting. Yippee!!!!!!!!!