I guess I just haven't felt much like posting this week. Not that I haven't had a lot to say…just haven't felt like sitting down and writing it out. It's been a tough week, to say the least, in many ways.

Got another call from my stepgrandmother saying that I must not have gotten her messages since I hadn't called her back…of course I had gotten the messages, just hadn't had a chance to call her back yet. So I felt bad about that. She also said that my grandfather is not doing well, so I assume a trip to Texas is imminent, although of course I have no idea when it will have to happen. And I don't know if I'll be going to Houston where he is right now, or to Amarillo where he will be buried with my grandmother. Either way I'm sure I don't really have to worry about a place to stay as I'll probably be able to stay with my cousins in a hotel or with my cousins in one of their homes. Anyway, this is all weighing heavily on me right now, and there is, of course, not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it. So I shouldn't worry, but it's my nature and I do.

I took Friday off for my aunt's funeral which was Friday afternoon. I decided Friday morning that I would get some things done that I haven't had a chance to do. For instance, making an appointment for the mammogram my OB/GYN wants me to get. I went in for my yearly exam on the 18th and she said she felt no masses, but that my breasts were lumpy, so I'm getting a baseline mammogram (I assume that means it is for future comparison). She didn't seem very concerned, so I am not too concerned either…just precautionary. Anyway, I sat down Friday morning to make the appointment. 45 minutes later, I finally had one. I HATE my insurance company. Bleh. The positive thing, I guess, is that the first facilities I called (which wouldn't take my insurance) didn't have any appointments until February(!), but the place I finally got the appointment will take me in two weeks. That is good, because I want it over with and not weighing on my mind along with everything else.

Then I tried to call tech support for my printer/scanner/copier on which only the printer works at the present time. “Your estimated wait time is less than 5 minutes.” After 17 minutes, I gave up and decided to try on Saturday. :-P

Next on the list was figuring out what to wear for the funeral. My family is notorious for not being the best dressers in the world…hahaha, so I didn't want to be overdressed, but neither did I want to be underdressed, so I wore my black faux-suede pantsuit. My family has not seen me since I lost weight, so even though it was a funeral, I wanted to look good, you know? And my husband informed me that I did indeed look good in the pantsuit. :-)

So we get to the cemetery at 1 which is the time my cousin told me the funeral was. However, we couldn't find anything anywhere, so we went to the office and they told us, no it's 2 p.m. *sigh* Okay, well, silly to go all the way home, so we grabbed a bite to eat and went to the bank, then back to the cemetery. I wanted to visit my mom's grave, but there was a funeral right next to it, so I decided to leave the people in peace, and instead we went to my grandparents' graves. At this particular cemetery, there are about 12 family members (now 13) buried. Anyway, we walked over there and as we were walking back saw some of my family beginning to arrive. Lots of hugs and hellos and how are yous from cousin to cousin, aunt to niece, and so on. Then we see my father and that woman he is married to arrive. I decide that, no, I'm not going up to him. He is the one that is the rejector as my friend says, and so he can come up to me. And so I just make my way around speaking to my family members. Finally, dad comes over to say hello and says, “I didn't recognize you!” Ummm….yeah. You're my father, and you don't recognize me???? My cousins that rarely see me recognized me! My cousin-in-law that hasn't seen me in how many zillion years recognized me and even noticed I'd lost weight from the reunion photos last summer! Whatever. Anyway, we had the ceremony and it was nice, although it was congregational singing, and I was glad I was there to sing, and I'll just leave it at that. After the funeral, father's wife's sister and brother-in-law came up to speak to me. I've known them all my life as he married my parents, she sang at the wedding, and their son was one of my best friends growing up. Brother-in-law says, “Hello, Karin. I'd have recognized you anywhere. You haven't changed a bit.” I took that as a dig at my father's earlier comment that he didn't recognize me, as they've never exactly gotten along all that well, but nonetheless, in some strange way it made me feel better. And I appreciated that they took the time to talk to me even though there is ice between me and her sister. Of course, father's wife didn't even acknowledge my presence, which is just fine with me thank you.

Then we went to my cousin's house for a get-together afterwards, and my father was there (alone…does this surprise anyone?). My aunt lectured me telling me that I need to make an effort so that I don't regret anything in the future. I was a little irritated and told her that it's NOT ME, and I HAVE made an effort. *sigh* Anyway, it was nice visiting with cousins. I did actually sit down and talk to my father for a little bit and tell him about my vacation in DC. Then, the big news to me was that my little cousin has the same congenital heart defect that I had. One of my aunts, her son, me and now my cousin's grandson (1st cousin twice removed if you're counting) have had it. It is truly a hereditary genetic problem. It runs in families. And it's an issue that I've had to deal with concerning my own desire to be a parent. However, there are less invasive ways to repair the defect now then there were when I was a child and had to have open heart surgery. Open heart is still an option, but there is also the option of a catheter. Anyway, it blew me away because I wasn't expecting it. It would be very interesting to me to know how this travels within families…whether there is a pattern or if it's just random. Anyway, now I have a bond with the little fellow that I didn't expect to have, and to be honest, I wish I didn't. But I will be there for them when they need me. His father is a little in denial, I fear, and thinks that perhaps prayer will repair it. So, my response to him was that God expects you to help yourself, and I'm very glad that my parents chose surgery, because I wouldn't be here today if they didn't. And I'm healthy and strong and have had no problems concerning that issue since my cardiologist released me in my childhood. Thank God there are medical procedures that can repair this and make life normal for those of us who have the problem. And I say, take advantage of them. If you truly believe in God and prayer, then hasn't He already answered the prayer by providing the ability to repair the damage? That is what I think, anyway.

Well, that was my Friday. It was rather emotionally draining in many ways. I'm glad it's over. Now I have to deal with my grandfather. And life. It goes on, doesn't it?