I've never quite understood what one is supposed to feel on one's birthday after one gets past a certain age. I mean, when you're a kid, there's the anticipation of gifts and parties and all of that. When you're a teenager, there is always something to look forward to - at 16, getting your driver's license, at 18, being a legal adult and able to vote, and then at 21, being totally legal and able to drink. But after that, what is there to really look forward to? And how am I supposed to feel?

Sometimes, I think birthdays are depressing, because you can sit and look at what you've not accomplished in your life that you wanted to. So, I guess I could do that today if I so chose. But, I don't want to be depressed, so instead of looking at what I haven't done, I'm going to focus on what I have done.

36 years ago today, I was born, and were my parents happy or what? They'd waited a long time for me, and I was finally here. And so, yes, there are things that I would have liked to have had happen by now…maybe have a PhD or a baby or have made a million dollars. Well, none of those things have happened, but does that mean I've not accomplished anything in my life? No way! Especially this year, when I've really taken control of my life and made things happen…some good, some bad…but at least I'm the one in control. I lost weight, I got in shape, I changed my eating habits, and all for the better. I have more confidence in myself, I feel more independent, and I feel more worthwhile in many ways.

I have short term goals and long term goals again, and they feel fairly reachable. I believe that I can accomplish a lot of things if I put my mind to it. Now in other ways, things in my life are a ball of confusion, but that's okay. We must have challenges, right? And, it's not like I have to have it all figured out by tomorrow. Nope. I have time. I'm still very young, as one of my friends likes to tell me. :-)
So I will cope and work it all out sooner or later.

I feel at age 36, more attractive than I've ever felt in my life. You may say that feeling attractive is not a necessary thing, and that is true, BUT…that feeling has given me more confidence, and to me that IS a necessary thing. I don't look 36. I don't feel 36. Well, who knows? Maybe I do. I've never been 36, so I don't know what it's supposed to feel like really, now do I? But my point is, that I feel terrific! I DON'T feel old. I feel young and vibrant and alive. That is the positive thing. And the really positive thing is that I've got a little wisdom and experience to go along with it.

So, I may have been dreading this birthday a year ago. But now I embrace it. Because really, age is just a number. It makes no difference. It is how you feel on the inside that matters. And I feel young and alive. And I plan to keep that feeling. 26, 36, 46…doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm finally figuring out how to be comfortable in my own skin. It's taken awhile, and there is still a long way to go, but the main thing is that I'm getting there.

So, happy birthday to me. I'm smiling today. :-)