Okay, so it wasn't so bad going back to work today.

*It was nice to see friends I haven't seen for two months.

*My friend, mentioned earlier in this journal, that was engaged, no longer is, which is a relief to me even though she is sad. I think it's the best thing that could have happened to her.

*The new assistant principal is really cool.

*I unstacked the desks and didn't wear myself out, proving that I am in WAY better shape now.

*People noticed my weight loss!
Various people: Did you lose weight?
Karin: Yes!
Various people: You look great/good/terrific!
Karin: Thank you! *beam*
(Let me just say this felt soooo good…the effort was truly worth it!)

*The new 2nd grade teacher is nice.

*I am the grade level chair this year, which in some ways sucks, but in some ways is good because I get extra money at the end of the year.

*Did I mention it was nice to see friends?

*It was also nice to not be bored…but now begins the stress of trying to get everything ready by Monday….aarrgghhhh!!!!!

The saddest day of the year has to be the last day of summer vacation. Yep. I'm sad today. Okay, not that sad. I've come to accept the fact that I must return to the grind. But it's still tough to accept that I no longer can set my own schedule and do whatever the heck I want to do each and every day. And it's always a little scary to know you're going to have a whole new classroom full of little faces. Every year, you cross your fingers that you'll have a good class, and I'm due this year because last year's class was a tough one. So we'll see what happens. Summer's over. Now the work begins. The first week back is the worst…getting the room ready and incessant, boring meetings all week…bleh. Now, back to the laundry!

After a brief hiatus…Karin's breathlessly awaited movie reviews are back…yeah right…hahaha.

Tonight we saw Austin Powers in Goldmember. Two words: stupidly funny…or funnily stupid. Either way, if you're not really into Austin Powers, it may be a little over the top for ya. Had some funny moments, though, and some interesting plot twists. So, I wouldn't say it's a can't miss, but it was fun…LOTS of cameos.

So this afternoon I'm sitting chatting with a friend online, and the doorbell rings. I look out the window and I think I recognize the car, but I'm not sure until I look out the door. It's my dad. Surprise surprise. I believe the last time I actually saw him was last July. Yes, I'm talking a year ago. I could be wrong though, so I'll have to double-check that one with Mike. Anyway, I asked him if his wife knew he was there. He said that he told her he was going to visit me at times, and she said just don't tell her. So, I guess that's a step in the right direction. Of course, it was a little difficult since I didn't know he was coming and didn't have time to psyche myself up for it. It was a little tense…at least for me. And every time, he said anything that sounded like he was complaining about his wife or her family, I was kind enough to remind him that he married her. Such a good daughter. Bottom line, though, the letter obviously did make an impression. I must be a better writer than I thought. I'll keep you all updated, I'm sure.

Life goes on, and it is eventful…never boring. I am surrounded by DRAMA!!!!

VBS is now officially over. It really was fun. The kids are great, and it's nice to be the most popular person at church for two weeks…hahaha. “Hey! You're the Music Lady!!!” Lots and lots of little hugs from little cuties. And the teenaged boys like to hug me, too, for some unknown reason (watch it Neal!), which makes an “old” lady feel kinda good…hahaha. The biggest news? I sang two sessions of Bible School and did NOT lose my voice!!! It's still going strong. That in itself is amazing.

We did something fun for the End of Bible School Celebration this year…we did a medley of all the Bible School theme songs from the last seven summers. It was a nice trip down memory lane. And I got a neat compliment from the Religious Education Director. She was talking about why we emphasize music so much, and she mentioned that I do a really good job teaching the kids the meaning and theology behind the songs. That was really neat. I never even really thought about it that way. I just figure that if I'm teaching them a song that has words they are not familiar with, or concepts that might be a little tricky to understand, that I should explain them! Must be the teacher in me. :-)

So, VBS was a success, as it always is. I love the kids. They make it all worthwhile, and our teen helpers are dedicated and fun to be around.

Now, I have a year to recover before it starts all over again!

Today, being the last day of Bible School, brings about, as it does every year, strangely mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, I'm totally exhausted, though it is a blast and I love doing it, but I'm ready for it to be finished (especially with TWO sessions this year). On the other hand, Bible School always seems to fall during the last two weeks of my summer break, so come Tuesday, I will be back at work. The kidlings start on the 5th, but I have to be there to get my room ready. Monday is my day of rest before I go back to the grind. It's not that I don't like to teach, it's just that I really love those lazy hazy crazy days of summer, where the most pressing thing on my agenda is what time to get up and what time to go to bed…hahaha. When summer ends is the time I most miss being a kid, because when you're a kid, you know you have to go back to school, but you also know there will be another lazy summer in 10 months. And yes, as a teacher, I get those lazy summers every year as well, but, I know there's always the chance that something will change with my lifestyle, and I'll lose summer. Sooo….it is now that I miss childhood. Anyway, enough of this. Time to eat breakfast, get the songsheet ready for the End of Bible School Celebration and get to “work!”

Yes today is a celebration of sorts for me. It's my anniversary. No, not the anniversary of my birth or my marriage, but the anniversary of my life. Seven years ago today, I almost died. Well, actually it was 3 a.m. Cincinnati time (we were on vacation there). I had a heart attack. And though I could go into all the details of it, I'll make it short and sweet. I started having chest pains, rushed to the ER, v-fibbed in the ER, they zapped me and brought me back, did an angioplasty, and well, here I am.

The thing that is hardest about all of this, I guess, is that I was 28 years old. 28. The statistics of 28 year old women having heart attacks are pretty minute to say the least. It barely shows up on the chart. So it was all a little weird. And needless to say, while physically I recovered fairly quickly, mentally it took a lot of time. And if I was completely honest, I'd say that mentally I'm probably still recovering. But, it's been seven years. And every year I get through the night. Last year I slept through the night for the first time. Every year before that I woke up at 3 a.m. This year, well I didn't sleep through the night because Mike kept waking me up with his snoring. :P But, I didn't wake up at 3 a.m., so I suppose that is a step in the right direction.

Here I am. July 25, 2002. 7 years. I've been so stressed out this past week because I knew today was coming. Now it's here, and a load has been lifted. That is not to say that all my problems have miraculously vanished. They have not, of course, but I have one less thing to deal with now. I can focus on more important things.

I'm alive. Thank God. Life goes on, and it is good.

I am continually blown away by the awesome people that wander into my life. I have no idea how one person can be so blessed to have friends, new and old, of the caliber that I do, but I am. People who listen, who care, who are compassionate, intelligent, understanding, and who love me just for being me. People who have incredible spirits and giving hearts. I am humbled by the experience of knowing such wonderful wonderful people.

If you think this post sounds a bit more upbeat, it probably is…I feel less like I'm drowning.

So, since the day that my father showed up at the new house, talked to Mike and talked to me by phone while his spouse was out of town, I have heard not a word from him.

However, today I got an email from him. It said: Hi Karin, love you, Dad.

So, I suppose he has heard what I said to him in some small way. I guess that is good. But it's still not much of a relationship is it?

One thing is for sure. My life is never ever boring.

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In other news, I got a cut and color today, and darn it, do I look cute or what?

2nd week of VBS in full swing…12 down, 8 to go…

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Less full of angst today than yesterday, but still not in a happy mood. My husband does not always understand that I don't want nor need to hear how he feels about things but sometimes I just need him to say…I understand and I'm sorry and it sucks.

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Have you ever felt like a square peg trying your best to fit into the round hole? I'm feeling that way right now. About a lot of things. It's not the best feeling. Okay, I actually feel that way a lot, but usually it doesn't get to me as much as it is right now. So many things I'm struggling with. What I want to do most right now is just run away. I don't want to go back to work. I don't want to deal with Mike's family. I don't want to deal with church. I don't even really want to deal with Mike right now. I just want to run away and hide and not come back for a really long time. Too many things feel like they're crashing in around me right now. And all the pressure from work is coming back and oh I don't know…a major “anniversary” in my life is coming up on Thursday. I wonder if any of this could have anything to do with that? I suppose it's possible. We'll see what I feel like on Thursday. Maybe things will be better and I'll have a happier outlook. Why do things sometimes seem to come all at once? To anyone out there who is in control of these things, I really can't take anything else, so please knock it off for awhile? Okay?

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To those of you who think I'm freaking out, I'm really not. I'm just having a rough time right now. It happens. I'll get over it. It may take more time than usual, though, so watch out.

So, we just got the news today that Mike's brother and his wife are expecting….

And this brings about very mixed feelings in me: part of me wants to cry, part of me doesn't care, and part of me is really really pissed off, but no part of me can be happy for them right now. And I feel bad about that, but I can't change how I feel. So there it is. More turmoil to add to the otherwise very stirred-up pot of it I'm already dealing with.

I'll just keep telling myself life is good, but right now it really sucks.

Okay, so I'm still in turmoil, but there are still good things to be happy about…

For instance, I've lost another 2 pounds, and I'm almost past another “magical” barrier…I'll letcha know when it happens, don't worry. Today was my regular biweekly measurement taking day, and I've lost a total of 5 1/2 more inches! Inches + pounds = very happy, thinner, toner Karin YAY!!!!!!!

And it's Saturday and a nice day of rest from VBS. Although as I was sitting in my chair reading this morning, I kept thinking I was going to have to leave soon…ack! Can I not just relax and enjoy a day off????

Now if the Dbacks can just win, my day will be complete.

Life is good, even if rocky at times.

Thank God it's Friday night and I mean that with every ounce of my being…hahaha!

This has been a week all right. I'm totally exhausted, but I know the kids had fun and we did a great job. It was fun, but by the end of the night, I'd definitely had it. Somehow I dug deep and pulled out the last bit of energy I possessed to get through the closing for the night. Now here I am blogging away.

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night…and when I tried to take a nap this afternoon that didn't work either. My mind is whirling away. There is just some stuff going on that I'm dealing with that I have to deal with, and it's really nothing I can talk to anyone about, it's just stuff I have to deal with myself, but that doesn't make it any easier…if anything it's harder. I have talked with Mike about most of it, so that's a good thing, but there's a lot to be sorted out, and I don't think it's going to happen quickly. I just need to do a lot of thinking I believe. So think good thoughts, prayers, whatever for me that I get through it. That is what I need my friends to do right now. Thank you.

I plan to do nothing tomorrow save wash my car in the evening when Mike is home from working on the house. I will sleep as late as I can…and I will sit around and vegetate all day long if I want. So there.

Next week, it starts all over again…wheeee!

I got my letter from school today. That was depressing…hahaha. A dose of reality. I'm not ready to go back. Am I ever? No, not really. But I can be happy in the knowledge that this is probably the last year I have to deal with it. I'll move on to greener? pastures after this year. That should help me get through - knowing that I don't have to stay there another year. I don't think it's all about the teaching, but it's a combination of things - the school, the church that uses our rooms, the administration, parents, some kids…it all builds up and sooner or later, sometimes you just need to find something else to do…at least for awhile. Whether that's be a mommy or something else, I have no way of knowing. Time will tell.

Life goes on. Life is good. It is. It's just not always easy.

10 down, 10 to go. Good night.

One more day this week and then a weekend off…I love the kids, but I need a break for sure. I kind of wish Bible School was a week earlier, so I'd have an entire week off before going back to work, rather than just a day. Oh well. That's life.

I was pretty quiet yesterday…very tired. I'll try and write more later…

8 down, 12 to go…

I still maintain that since we have to have licenses to drive and be married, maybe we should have them to have children, too, for what is most important anyway? I know, I know…there are many reasons that would be bad, but let me just share a story with you to illustrate my point…

Today during one of the breaks in VBS, I finally managed to get a trip to the restroom. The door to the bathroom is in the foyer which is accessible from the parking lot. I walk into the foyer which is totally empty except for a baby about 6 months old laying on the floor outside the door of the women's restroom all by himself. There is not a soul in sight anywhere. So I start talking to him and asking him who he belongs to hoping that someone is close by and I'm just not seeing them. Finally, I hear a voice from the restroom claiming him. I pick him up and carry him in there. The mom (who ends up being a homeless person who regularly comes to the church for help) says she left him out there because if she brings him in there he crawls into the toilets. I stood there and held him until she came out of the restroom, and then I proceeded to explain to her that leaving him unattended was really not a good idea even though it is a church since anyone could walk in the foyer doors and grab him, or the doors could accidentally be left open and he could go crawling into the parking lot. She said that she did the right thing because it was better to leave him out there then for him to get in the toilet and get all those germs on him. I said that him getting snatched, injured, or even killed was not better than germs, but of course my words fell on deaf ears. Some people will never ever learn. I reported it to one of the staff members because I personally think that was pretty serious, and I found out that she lives in her car with this 6 month old baby even though there is room in the shelter right now. I don't know. Things like that just really make me crazy. There are definitely some people who should not reproduce. *sigh* Oh well, I did what I could. I'll just have to hope that something sunk in.

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On another note, VBS was great today, so there are obviously a lot of people out there who do a GOOD job raising their children.

5 down, 15 to go….