So many things going through my mind….wish I could grasp onto one thing and write a whole post about it…but instead I'm feeling very random…

**my “sage” advice for my sil after the wedding: the easy part is over…now the hard part begins…meaning…marriage is a job…a good job hopefully, but a job nonetheless and it takes a lot of work to maintain a relationship through all the ups and downs of life…especially when the other person holds the power to hurt you more than probably anyone else can…it's kind of scary to give someone that much power over you…and yet…love is a crazy thing…I trust Mike to never do that to me…oh of course sometimes he hurts me…and I hurt him…but he knows that there are certain things that he could do or say that would utterly destroy me…and he would never do that…and vice versa…so yes, it's a hard job…but it's worth working at it.

**I feel like I fail my friends sometimes…they want advice and I don't know if I give them good advice…they want to vent and for me just to listen and commiserate and I give them advice…I'm working on it…I've got to get over the idea that I know best for everyone because I don't…half the time I don't even know best for me…so how on earth could I know best for someone else? Only thing is, it's easier to know best for someone else when you're not emotionally involved and caught up in the situation…what advice would I give to someone who was in my situation with my father? Now there's a question…don't know if I want to answer it, though.

**My dad, that could be a topic for a month…I try so hard to pretend that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't bother me and I'm dealing with it…so not true…it sux…and it hurts…and it makes me so sad and angry that he could just throw our relationship away because of that woman that he married…oh it's such a long story…maybe I'll go into on Father's Day or something…I dunno…I'm sick of it all, though…my mom would not be pleased…probably with either one of us…but if he thinks that I'm the one at fault…he needs to take a good long look at himself.

**The Catholic church…so now our county attorney is investigating our diocese…this is just spiraling so out of control, this whole thing…it's frustrating and sad and ridiculous how the hierarchy of the church has chosen to sweep things under the rug and not deal with them, while the people that they purport to serve are hurting and injured…and the worst thing of all is that good priests, good men, are being looked upon with disdain by people who don't know them, but only hear what the media spouts about them…most of the priests out there are good people who would never in a million years do anything to hurt another person, especially a child…and for them to have to suffer because of a few…and for the children and the adults who have been hurt to have to suffer…it all just makes me seethe with anger.

**Getting pregnant…yes it's what I want to do…but if someone came to me today and said I have a baby that you can adopt…I'd leap at the chance…even if I got pregnant anyway…I want to be a parent…I want to share my love with a child…and it doesn't really matter how…so I can accept if I can't get pregnant…I can accept if I can, too…but I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the thought of adoption if that is the road I must take…A child of my body would be wonderful…but I'll take a child of my heart as well.

**My job…I'm so glad I'm off…but the summer looms ahead and I know how fast it will go…especially with two weeks of summer school for me…I am looking forward to going to class again…scared to death, too…haven't been a student in over seven years…I'm burned out on my job…I don't want to go back…I can't wait until that is a reality.

**Time speeding by so fast…Mike's 20 year reunion is in a year…which means mine is in 2…and I haven't come close to accomplishing what I want…I'm not where I wanted to be 20 years out of high school…that doesn't mean that I'm not where I'm supposed to be…just not where I expected or wanted to be…I don't know if I'm okay with that…sometimes I feel like I've wasted my life…wasted my talents…wasted my time…wasted my potential…that depresses me…I wonder had I been more driven where I would be now…but I'm not…I wish I were…I know I could have been so much more…CAN be so much more…but how do I motivate myself to get there?

**The good things…Mike, my friends…being alive.