Why I hate Easter

Okay, so I really don’t HATE Easter, there are just some things I dislike about it. Now don’t get me wrong, Easter Vigil is a whole other story. Easter Vigil is people who want to be there because it’s the real deal…the night when all the new people come into the church…it’s very very cool…even if it is 3 1/2 hours long…yikes! At Easter Vigil you have basically three kinds of people…those who are Easter Vigil junkies (meaning they just really like that particular service and come every year), those who are coming back for the anniversary of their own entry into the church (sort of a like a junkie, but with a little more invested), and those who are coming into the church that night and their families. So Easter Vigil is cool. LOVE IT.

Easter Sunday, on the other hand is mostly about those people who come to church like twice a year, heretofore known as lily and poinsettia Catholics (some call them Chreaster Catholics, I prefer to use the flowers). They come to church twice a year because they think they are supposed to and so they have done their duty. Whatever. Then there are also what I like to call PAPAL Catholics (Palm Ashes Poinsettia And Lily) meaning they come for Palm Sunday and get palms, Ash Wednesday and get ashes and the two major religious holidays of the Christian world. Either way, it kind of bugs me. Why? Well not because I really have anything against them coming to church…but to me it's like…why aren’t you here the rest of the year? It seems a bit…I dunno…hypocritical to come two, three, four times a year and call yourself a Catholic or a Christian…but that’s just me. It seems to me that you should be there all the time or why bother? But again that’s just me.

Now why does all of this make me hate Easter? Well, because of all these extra people we have to put up this huge tent in the parking lot because the church is not big enough to hold all these extra people…so that takes up a gazillion parking spaces and since I have to get there early to be ready for the next mass, that means that I get to park in the dirt and walk through the dirt in my nice pretty purple Easter dress and my brandie new white sandals…THAT is what I hate about Easter…There. I feel much better now.

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